Praising God in the middle of the storm

I regret not taken a picture of her so you could see her smile. I had muddy gloves and did not dare to ask anyone for a camera or a cell. Only one or two volunteers were carrying their phones plus it was drizzling. (I noticed no one was too concerned with using them as we busy ourselves trying to do something to get some hope to others.) I’m talking about a lady named Linda one of the people we (Eight Days of Hope Volunteers) helped with the cleanup in Hattiesburg, MS after a class EF3 tornado destroyed more than 1,100 homes and left 4 people dead. She stopped by a few times during the two days we worked in what was left of her house cleaning the debris and finishing off the standing walls. I took one of those occasions to hear her story as I wanted to know how one survives something like this and what do you do in “between the waiting” to rebuild. I asked her, “Where were you and what went through your mind as you heard the winds destroying your house?” She just smiled, a tear coming on the side of her eye, and said, “Only because of GOD” and started telling me her survival story.

On my 5-day trip to Hattiesburg, MS, I met and talked to others affected by the tornado and every one was grateful for their lives, and for all the help and compassion shown to them by complete strangers. But no one, considering her saga, had the attitude of Linda. She is a working single mother (her husband left her 7 years ago) taking care of five children two of them grandkids aged 1 and 3. First thing she told me was how the “Holy Spirit put a hedge of protection” over her son. They all had gone to bed early and her oldest son had gone out. She thought he was staying with friends but he came back without her knowing. When around 3:30 a.m. the tornado started hitting, she woke up all the others and went to the bathroom in the basement. It was after she heard a window blown out that her son walked into the bathroom as he woke up, face covered with glass. She let a cry out thinking his face was all “ruined” but as they pulled each piece of glass in the darkness she noticed not a single cut… AND SHE PRAISED GOD. Then after digging herself out of the mess and getting the little ones out through one of the broken windows, she noticed all her house upstairs was gone. Only her front door was still hanging from a single standing wall. She said that as they walked up the street to find some refuge in the middle of the rain she started thanking God that all her kids were alive and well… once again she said, “But God… All can be replaced and I know this is already working for good for my family.” She told me she was a Katrina survivor. It was then when they relocated to Hattiesburg with only their clothes on their backs. A few years later, their “new, temporary house” burnt to the ground – a kitchen fire. No one was hurt. Now, the tornado totally destroys her house and no one was hurt. It is definitely God. She has gone through three death-threatening disasters and she can still have a great attitude and disposition that only can come from a strong faith in God. Knowing who is your redeemer makes all the difference.
As we look around, all her personal things lying everywhere wet and damaged, she smiles and says, “God is making a way; He has before and will do it again, I have no doubt about that.” One of the volunteers tells her she found a few things that can be salvaged, and she said, “Forget it; nothing is important.” She wasn’t like crying and complaining. All her children are living with different relatives as not all of them can stay together in one place and she will be back to work in a few days. Her immediate goal is to find a place where she can gather all her kids in one place and have dinner “together again”. She said the house rebuilding can wait. She understands that once again her life has been interrupted “but GOD is in control”. We prayed and she left. I went back to work and look again at all her stuff all over the place and I thought, “Only a true follower of Christ Jesus can look at this mess and have peace.” The words of the apostle Paul came to mind, “…nothing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

And then what?

Last Saturday (Dec 12th), I was invited to sort clothes and toiletries for a large giveaway / dinner event coming up for homeless and people in need. I was told they were expecting to serve about 2,000 people this year. Later, as I was driving I heard on the radio people sharing their stories about giving and doing things for others, presents and baskets of food offered by groups and organizations all to help the homeless and the less fortunate during the holiday season. Even my family along with some friends prepared and served dinner to a group of neighbors living in dreary conditions. As I meditated this morning, I thought this time is really what many of us believe and sing: the most beautiful time of the year. But then as I took in for a few moments how beautiful is to see the spirit of giving, the willingness to share, the readiness of reaching out to others, I asked, where does it all go after all the hustle and bustle of the season fades away? Does that "spirit", attitude vanishes away? Do the poor disappear after we feed them? Are there no immediate needs to help with? Who are these people we feed and give clothes and presents to? They are people struggling to make ends meet due to low / minimum wages; they are single mothers trying to make it each day; people who can't call the place they slept home because it changes every night, people who have lost their jobs, people who stand in a corner waiting to be seen. I was just thinking, we help now and then what? I know that organizations like the one I volunteered at work all year around and many others do too. I'm thinking of people like me. After we fed our "less fortunate neighbors" and gave them some toiletries, then what? Do I still see the man standing at the corner hoping to get a job offer? Do I care whether or not he has something to eat tonight? There seems to be some courage that comes with the holiday spirit daring us to ask, to invite, to give without feeling we are intruding or be rejected with a no. Or what about those we helped, are they wondering "where are they now"?

An Apron for my Mother

Many of my friends and relatives are aware that I sew aprons to sell as part of my sewing business. It all started when we needed funds to help women coming out of prison and I made a few and sold them all within a few days thanks to the response of friends and people from church. Many say that my aprons are too pretty to wear. Others have said they look like beautiful dresses. Nice, welcome compliments in something I find great satisfaction in making as I can be as creative as I want to with no strings. I just think as them as a quick way to make one "decent" when there is an unexpected knock at the door. Just put the apron in top of your worn out sweats, add a smile and you are ready to greet the "intruder". (This goes for men too as I do aprons for men and women.) Before selling them though, I made the first aprons for Christmas presents for all my sisters and a couple of close friends. However, I did not make one for my mother. Instead, I sent her what had become her special request to me for years, money for a "very good quality girdle" as she put it years ago when on a seldom occasion we went shopping together. However, I always sent a package with a little something as I knew she -- like most of us -- loved to unwrap a package in expectation of what was inside. So, no apron for now. I didn't have one of my sisters' address, so I sent it to mom's. As she was telling me my sister's reaction (she gave it to mom as she said she doesn't cook), I thought I wasn't going to tell her I did not send her one as I wanted hers to be special and have it ready for Mother's Day. I had ordered a vintage pattern online and was still looking for a "happy" fabric for mom. A whole year passed and I finally found it and started working on it.

I wasn't as fast as usual when sewing this one as the instructions were not as detailed as other patterns plus . . . I got involved in other projects; I thought I had time. A couple of times, my mother mentioned she still had the apron whenever we talked about her projects and was trying to copy it as she liked the style. She was a good seamstress. But I wondered if she expected me to offer to sew the apron; however I had set my mind on my special project for her and resisted telling her about it. It was a surprise. Well, I finally finished the apron two years later but my mother did not get to see it. She was gone by the next Mother's Day I had planned to send it. Last week, was the two year anniversary of her demise. As a child of the One True God, I don't live with guilt or regrets. I've learned not to dwell in things I've no control over. So don't think I'm writing this because of unresolved issues, I'm writing this to share my lesson -- though a bit late for me -- you don't have to wait or look for something special for your mom. If is from you, it is already special to her. I look forward to the day I will see my mom's smile again and stop missing her voice and see her not with an apron but magnificent, white clothes put on her by God Himself.

Being tested to get Heaven

I have read and heard so many times -- devotionals, sermons, personal stories, Bible -- that God uses adversity to get us closer to the image of Christ; that HE tests our faith to make us grow stronger in HIM. All these have alwasy been encouraging to me. But the book where I least expected to learn more about test and blessings, gave me a new insight, the book of Deuteronomy.

As I was reading chapter 8, I kept praising the Lord for HIS love for us all as each verse revealed to me we are being "make ready" to get our land, our Heaven.
God will test us, HE will take us through the wilderness, chastise us and ALL in preparation for something wonderful, something we can't begin to grasp in our little earthly minds. I'm talking about Heaven. A "land", a place that will be like nothing we have experienced on earth. A place where HE fills everything. "For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, that flows out of valleys and hills..." (Deut 8:7) and land of abundance. We shall remember God is "He who gives us the power to get wealth" (vs 18) and therefore we shall live each day with gratitude in our hearts to the ONE that makes all things possible. That it's not with our strength but HIS that we can do all things and accomplish great things even coming out of trials triumphantly. It is HE who is with us through the "valley of the shadow and death" as well as in the land "eating bread without scarcity and lacking nothing (vs 9). IT is ALL because of HIM and HIS grace. "HE might humble you and He might test you to do you good in the end" (vs 16). He does it all because HE loves us and HE is preparing us for a unique HEAVEN. Isn't that wonderful?

Giving a ride to a stranger for my own good

Sometimes we so easily fail to see God's tidbits in our lives. We are always looking for the "big" stuff and ask HIM to help us with the great projects and we miss the everyday reminders HE is there with us, guiding, protecting, showing us a better way. I'm so grateful that I learned as a kid to pray for everything. Even if the rice had too much salt, I'd pray no one will notice I did not measure it right. (I never heard a complain though I have to clarify I only cooked rice twice while at home. Two of my sisters and my mom did most of the cooking.)

This morning I was heading to Collin County Jail. I have a Court order to visit with an inmate for counseling purposes and to make an assessment of her needs regarding counseling. I felt very privileged for the opportunity as I have been praying for this door to be opened for our ministry. Though I was free to be there anytime, I had proposed in my heart to be there at 10:30AM as I had a dental appointment at 12:45 at another City nearby. As I was driving, I saw this lady with a small, tiny girl (later found out she was 13 months old) walking with no coat. I thought it was too cold (54ºF) to be without a coat and felt specially moved by the little girl. I thought about turning and offer her a ride but I looked at the clock on the dashboard and decided I'd be late. I prayed, "God if you want me to turn let me know 'pronto' before I get too far." The light changed and I drove off and then passed another light and without thinking, like my arms where on 'auto' mode I did a u-turn. As I moved things on the front seat to accommodate her, I realized my driver's license wasn't where I put it, in the cover of my notebook held by a pen. I greeted the lady. She was wearing short sleeves, a very light t-shirt with her bra straps down her arms. The little girl had a sweatshirt on and pants. She smiled at me at we sat her in the back seat. I asked the lady if she lived in the government project in front of us and she said no. She said she and her husband are living in a nearby motel (about a mile where I picked her up). "So, you are homeless?" I asked. She said yes but that her husband now was working and they will be moving within a week or two to an apartment. I told her about our church having a clothes closet and food pantry and invited her to visit. She looked interested so I gave her specific directions and then dropped her at the Dollar General store. I told her I'd pray for her and then before leaving the store's parking lot I decided to look for that driver's license. I found the pen that was supposed to be holding the license to the notebook but no driver's license. I then looked underneath the seat and in my purse though I knew I did not put it there. I looked at the clock and realized I was going to be late as I had to go back to the house and looked for the driver's license. I had put it momentarily on the trunk of the car while opening the gate so maybe it was on my driveway. So, instead of turning to continue toward the jail, I headed back to the house. As I looked at the clock again, I thanked God. If I had not turned to pick up that lady, I would not have notice the driver's license was missing and once at the jail, I'd have to leave as you can't go in without it. As I got the driver's license (it was at the house), I also saw the Court order paper on the table. Though it was scanned in the system, I knew it was good to have with me just in case. I picked it up and again thanked God. HIS Holy Spirit prompted me to do something for someone only to point to me I was going to get nowhere without those documents. Once I got to the jail, the receptionist asked me if I had a copy of the order. I gave it to her while mentioning it was in the system and she did bring it up on her screen using the number on my copy. Praise God!

I had a great visit with the inmate and did a good deed that was meant for my own good and made it to the dentist on time. Isn't God great? He did not want me to waste my time. HE knew that license was back in the driveway and I'd lament driving 15 miles, going into the building and walk right back out. Each morning I pray for a divine appointment. I pray that I won't miss HIS promptings and the people HE sends my way. I'm glad that today I was listening as so many times I pray and then forget to alert for HIS guidance. I believe HE wanted me to reach out to this person (the inmate) as TODAY she re-committed herself to the Lord. HE makes sure HIS plans come to pass. AMEN!

"Just Give Me Jesus"

These few days I have been questioning what is it that has me sad about my serving. Am I not happy with what I do? Have I lost the joy of serving? I thought for awhile about those two questions and my answer is "NO". I'm not unhappy with what I do. I like what I do and I do it joyfully. I actually rejoice when I have to go and pick someone coming out of prison who is going to be part of our transitional house. Weeks before their release date, toiletries baskets are prepared, messages sent to volunteers to be ready, activities and places to go are planned. So, what is it?

Then this morning I felt the need to watch this video which is a part of a 6-lesson series. I have watched it before but somehow I needed to go back and watch the last session. I really do not remember what it covers; all I know is that I have to watch it. God knows what we need. This session presented a lady who was serving food to the homeless at a shelter her father had opened. She had a bad attitude and was complaining about a girl at the shelter. Her father asks her: "Do you know her name? Have you care to ask her that?" Then he tells his daughter to leave. She says she wants to stay. When asked why? She replies, "Because this is what we are supposed to do, right? We are supposed to feed the hungry and help the poor." The father says, "No. I do it because I love the Lord and therefore I do it out of love for HIS creation not because I'm supposed to do it." Then in the video I'm reminded that to love the Lord and follow HIM, is going to cost me something. The guy in the movie has left his job to open the shelter and moved his family to a smaller house. I stopped to think, "Maybe that's it. The sadness comes from something I have lost. What is it that I'm crying about?" And then, I knew.

I have lost and I'm missing my privacy. Even though, that has been obvious to me all these years and to others, I thought I have accepted it. But after almost a year of having back to back guests, and attending to their needs day in and day out, and putting up with so much ungratefulness, I realized how much I miss my privacy. I finally put the finger on my sadness. Talking to a friend and volunteer at the house, I tell her, "The things I miss the most are the little things. Like reading my Bible in the couch with no one looking over my shoulder and asking, "What are you reading?" or "Can you help me with the computer now?" without any consideration of my own time and needs. It is having a cup of coffee sitting in the backyard watching the bluebirds chasing the squirrels or the cat avoiding the dog. But then as I prayed and wanted to mourn the loss (I thought that's what I needed to do), Philippians 3 comes to mind. Some of the verses I have memorized and now they come to mind reminding me of the futility of my thoughts.

Paul writes: "Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of things... that I may gain Christ." (Phil 3:8). As my mind remembers that, I think how foolish I have been. How I have left the enemy to fog my mind to forget momentarily --- well almost for a week --- that I have gained so much more, I have GAINED CHRIST! Yes, I have lost privacy but "for the excellence of the knowledge of Jesus"! See, the blinders come down immediately with the Scriptures. There is nothing this world can offer that would surpass the fact that I come to know HIM better; that my intimacy grows with the knowledge of knowing HIM and gaining HIM. I can be "found in HIM" like Paul continues in those verses. Whatever it is that we "suffer loss" for has no comparison to what was done for us in the cross and to what we gain. As Anne Graham Lotz says: "Just give me Jesus!"

Forgiveness

In my experience in teaching about emotions, this subject of forgiveness is the one that provokes heated discussions. Most people are not ready to forgive even those who called themselves Christians. (Christians are to be Christ-like and HE forgave the whole humanity at the cross. I find it very difficult to see Christians carrying a grudge. They have forgotten how much they have been forgiven by the Son of God.) Why the difficulty when it comes to this subject? There are many reasons and I'll mention a few along the "way". But first, let me say that what I hear the most in my chats is: "I don't feel like forgiving" or "She/he doesn't deserve it". However, when we do not forgive someone the damage is to us and not to the offender. We are the ones in the hands of hatred, resentment, and revenge. We are the ones with the dark soul.

FORGIVENESS is a CHOICE. If we wait to "feel like" forgiving, it will never happen.Our flesh, our emotions are not built that way. We tend to carry the grudge rather than forgive the offender. We tend to lean toward revenge instead of forgiving. We tend to shout out the offense rather than keep it quiet. We want people to know how bad someone is so if we forgive the offender we feel we are making the person looks good.

First of all, to forgive doesn't mean I will forget what happened. We tend to say, "I can forgive but I can't forget." And that's true. We won't forget. We have been equipped with a great brain with a lot of storage space. However, the key is how do we remember the offense. Do we cry when we remember it? Healing is not complete. Do we get angry when we remember it? Forgiveness has not taken place. One of the indications that you have forgiven is that when you remember it, you realize you've grown; there is new knowledge and you've matured in that area. You have learned something. You may use your experience to help others overcome similar situations and you use it wisely with compassion and love. You don't bad-mouth the person when you narrate it to teach because you don't want to damage the person you have forgiven. You care that much.

Forgiveness is also a response from having been forgiven. In other words, we have received mercy so we have mercy on others. We don’t forgive because the offender deserves it; instead we forgive someone who does not deserve it… very much like us when we came to Jesus. By forgiving the offense, we accept that we are not perfect either and therefore we exercise mercy. This is one of the reasons why we don't want to forgive someone who comes to us and asks for forgiveness. In order to accept the apology, we'd have to recognize we did something that cause others to feel or think bad about us and we can't accept that. We can't face the fact that we failed to excel; that we are NOT perfect. Is like screaming, "How dare you to think that about me?" It just goes to show that we can't handle the truth. So, we rather ignore it and say, "there is nothing to forgive" or totally take a very defensive stand trying to make the other person see the wrongness in the apology. Yes, totally irrational but we do it.

To carry a grudge is dangerous to our health as there is no peace in our soul and it may provoke anxiety. Any time we see the offender we resent they are going about his/her life like nothing happened while we are consumed by the hatred. To forgive is to surrender. When we don’t forgive we are bonded to the person that hurt us. We might be thinking, “Why let him/her go?” And that’s precisely the problem! While we don’t forgive, we will stay "hooked" to that person that hurt us. But when we forgive, we let the person go from our lives but not from God. We must trust that God will treat that other person with justice, equity and mercy, something that we cannot do.

We don't forgive so that the other person will change.We forgive to be at peace with ourselves and God. When you are the one apologizing, you have to be prepared that the person may not even accept your apology and that's fine. You do the part of confessing your offense and you are released from your part on the conflict. It does require humility to accept that we thought or said something bad about someone or actually wronged the person. We have to let the pride down and as we were bold enough to say negative things about someone, to face up and admit we did wrong. The person accepting the apology has to also put aside the pride and accept he/she is not perfect. The opposite would be to humiliate the offender with throwing in his/her face all the hurt caused by the offense. Just accept the apology and forgive without any "but you did....". That is not easy as we will like to make it clear to the offender, before we forgive, how bad it was, how much damage he/she caused us. That's why we can't forgive on our own strength. We need God's grace to forgive the offense without any "but...".

Don't expect that when you forgive someone the hurt will immediately cease. Forgiveness comes first and is immediately; at the moment. Healing comes much slower but it can't start without taking that first step.

Something I get asked a lot is:

How do I know if I have truly forgiven my offender?

My answer is with another question. Ask yourself, Can I pray blessings over this person and be happy he/she is doing great in life?" or, "Can I think of good things about and for this person?

Does it get easy with time? I think so. I think that as you practice forgiveness with God's strength you learn how good it feels. You realize that is not worthy going through life with resentment in your heart. You learn. You grow. You mature. Will it hurt less? Not really, as each conflict is different and you still have a heart that's sensible. However, you'll experience love, HIS love, like never before.

For those who called themselves Christians, I ask them,

If God does not punish us according to our sins, if He has forgiven us and does not remember our sins, but instead delights in forgiving us, shouldn’t we do the same and forgive our brethen?

In Micah 6:8 we read,

He has showed you, O man, what is good and what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.

There is no way you can do all three and go through life without forgiving others or accepting forgiveness in your life.

Whenever you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you show God how much you appreciate his gift of forgiveness to you. And that ALWAYS pleases HIM!

A Tribute to My MOM - Luz Eneida Morales

I just found out my mother was called to the presence of the Lord. I have started writing this tribute for mother's day. The original date 5/11/2013. I did not send it to her as I realized it may embarrassed her a bit and was going to modify it for her. Instead, today I modified it for me as she won't get to see a word of this. I'm glad I told my mother I loved her last night. I had no idea that my 55 minutes talk with her were going to be my last. Not only I said it, but I said it twice as I thought she did not hear me at first. She said it back and the usual "Dios te bendiga" (God bless you). I'm also glad that years ago I've written her a letter which covers most of this tribute. My appreciation for her, my not-so-great moments with her, and asking her for forgiveness.
A tribute to my mom
I have been blessed with having a daughter who makes me feel bad sometimes. (ha!) Yes, she loves me but she lets me see when I fail or embarrass her reminding me this way I’m not the perfect mother I’ve dreamed to be. For example, watching my grandchild one day, I’ve jumped, ran, pushed his car, done pirouettes and watched a Veggie Tales movie (well, through his 10 min attention span). I finally let him get busy on his own, playing with his cars and I did some ironing by the kitchen doorway. (He played between living and kitchen so I found a place where I could watch him.) My grandchild decided to go out of the kitchen to our patio to play with his cars outside – the ‘highway’ on the patio does not have all the obstacles as the living room. I was able to still watch him from my position through the three, 71” tall glass windows in the kitchen (more windows than wall) plus the door was opened. About 10 minutes after I opened the ironing board, I heard a car pulled in the driveway and I waited assuming no one will come all the way unless it was my daughter and her husband or my sister-in-law. But no one came out of the car immediately. Then I see the dad coming reaching out to his son and hurrying to the back yard; but no sign of my daughter. So, I finally went out and asked her if something was wrong (they had been in a lunch meeting). Something was wrong. But it wasn't the meeting. It was Me. I wasn’t watching Ezra as I was supposed to. When I said I was, she mentioned that I did not come out when the car got there. “Because I knew it got to be you guys.” It did not matter I said that not only was I able to watch him from where I was but also we did a lot together until 10 minutes ago; I messed up. My daughter was pointing I have failed… and that hurt. (My mom & my Daughter)

That got me thinking about mothers. How much a mother tries to be the best mother to her children. How we, mothers, want to protect our children from pain and pretty soon they are giving us pain; but we take it. We just don’t want them to have it. Then in China, there was another incident. I made a comment that my daughter did not approve. The tone of voice she used made me feel she was embarrassed of me. And that did it. I was reminded of my relationship with my mother and the times I have done the same to her. I grew up thinking like most of us do. As children, we believe our mothers are beautiful and intelligent and we want to grow up to be just like them (I even have a paper my daughter wrote to that effect). Then, as we become teenagers, we pull away from our mothers not wanting to be anything like them. In adulthood . . . We are just like them. We realize we have become our mothers. The incidents with my own daughter always took me to the phone to call my mother and confess my own trespasses toward her. One of those times was from China. I wanted to tell her I was sorry for the times I’ve corrected her in public about things she should or should not say. I wanted to tell her I love her and that she could be herself. So, I called and she greeted me sort of excited knowing I was calling from China. I had a small speech prepared but did not get to say anything. She talked, and talked and talked. Then asked a few questions about my trip and then she was gone to church. I sat thinking, “I did not get to say what I wanted to say. She did not let me talk.” And then, smiling, I thought, “That’s mom.” Through one of my siblings I heard my mom's knees needed surgery. I called mom to find out about details. She talked a bit about it but then changed the subject as if it wasn’t important. Again, I did not get to tell her that I was praying for her knees to heal since because of those knees I believe I’m alive and serving God today. Those are the knees that prayed for protection over my life when I did not feel like praying myself. Those are the knees that carried me through the dark days of my life and now “Lord”, I said, “those knees need your healing touch to keep our family glued to you.”

My mom did not always do all the talking. Every now and then she stopped to listen about the ministry and the work we are doing in Texas. When I visited her last summer, we sat in the living room with a cup of coffee and got into some deep talks. She never said she was “proud” of me but she let me know she admired me for obeying the Lord and doing HIS work. The Lord gave my mom an awesome responsibility – and it did not end when we all left home. She kept teaching, preaching and praying for us… all 11 of us. My mom, I've always said, taught me how to pray. She gave me my first lesson of what is to pray being specific and completely sincere with God.

Tell HIM you don't like it

, she said,

HE already knows it just tell HIM to help you with that issue.

I did and it worked! I was 13 years old. In one occasion, I was talking about how good my mom sounded and how much she is admired when she is preaching / talking among the people she helps. However, taken out of her circle, she did not sound so good. A person said, “You have to accept (or see) that she is sort of a hillbilly.” I stopped to think and laughed at the suggestion realizing that it made a bit of sense. Then, I looked at the person and said, “Yes, but that’s my mom and she is the only one I got and I love her. Imperfect and all.” This is the mom that would sit all 9 of us (at the time) to read the Bible and an article from the Reader's Digest and prayed the nights we did not go to church. I always tell the ladies I disciple that she would have breakfast ready every morning, waited until we finished eating and read a Psalm and prayed before we went to school. Sometimes the bus driver waited for us as she wasn't finished. She was determined for us to "get it". God comes first and it will do us good not to neglect the reading of the Scriptures. Her legacy is forever embedded in my heart. Is part of the quilt of my life.

I dreaded the day I will lose you and that day have come. I wondered my reaction and how I would feel when I can’t hear your voice. When I’d pick up that phone to call only to realize you’re not there to answer. Well, I know how it feels: very painful and unreal. But there is joy too. My first thought after hearing “she is gone” was “Oh mom, you have seen Jesus' face. You have already seen HIS face. What a moment!” The next one was a funny one,

She is probably trying to sing along with the angels lifting up her voice higher than them and missing a tune here and there.

That’s my mom and I’ll miss her every day of my life.

I’ll see you in Heaven and everything will be perfect.

Letting Down the Net

In Luke 5, we find the story of what in Spanish Bibles is sub-titled: "La Pesca Milagrosa" (The Miraculous Catch). There is even a Spanish Christian hymn that goes something like: "It's the miraculous catch of God's handy work; throw your nets for there are so many souls walking without salvation..." As I was reading, Peter's words in verse 5 got my attention, "...nevertheless, at YOUR word I will let down the net." We all have heard this preached in sermons or taught at a Bible class, at least I have many times. But because the Word of God is living and powerful (Heb. 4:12) a Scripture you are very familiar with all of a sudden has a special meaning to you. At that moment it speaks to your heart. The story goes on that the catch was so big, so out of what they had seen before as fishermen - and considering this is what they have done all their lives it was REALLY big - that Peter fell down at Jesus' knees and said, "Depart from me, for I'm a sinful man, Oh Lord." (vs 8). All the men present had witnessed a miracle and they were all thinking, "who is this man?" I like to think that I too have answered the call and have been willing to continue in obedience to HIS voice without questioning HIS orders. But I don't. At some instances I have done so: "at YOUR word, I quit my job" and HE has been providing; "at YOUR word, we sold the house" and we have a roof over our heads. But when it has come to accept some women to mentor and/or to give them shelter at the transitional house, it has been more like, "Really, Lord? Look at this one so messed up, such a huge criminal record; really?" But it was "at HIS word" that I accepted two very different ladies, one introduced to me by the other. Though I've been warned by other volunteers and I myself did not like the idea of one coming due to her very visible stubbornness and 'know it all' attitude, "at YOUR word Lord", I said, "I do it trusting you". And whether or not I see my 'miraculous catch' here on earth, I will obey. Both ladies have turned their backs on me and the volunteers trying to reach out to them. However, I felt this great peace, that I obeyed and HE taught me one more time where my trust is. Many times after struggling about sending that letter of acceptance to an inmate, they turn the offer down and I realized that it was all a test... for me. When you step out of your comfort zone to obey, exercising your faith there are no guarantees things are going to go great. But you have to trust that no matter the outcome, HIS blessings are upon you. The Bible shows us that our faith will be put to a test, again and again. Will I trust HIM as I tell others to trust HIM? Will I reached out and sacrificed my "Isaac" like Abraham was willing to? I find each time, I have a long way to go but if I want to have my miraculous catch, I have to keep throwing the net at HIS word.

We Can Never Recover Yesterday....

In a day when one year ends and another starts, it is customary (normal? expected?) to look back and see how many resolutions were kept; how many never even got started; how many lasted the first three weeks, or for those more persistent, three months. I have always said I don’t do resolutions and that’s one reason why; I don’t have to look back and see what I did not accomplish; I don’t have to live with regrets about yesterday. I have other reasons but this is one of them. As we know, we cannot make up for lost time. We can never recover yesterday. There is no point in sleeping one day more than other to make up for a sleepless nights as you wake up with your body aching or fall behind schedule. There is no point in reading two books in a couple of days to make up for those we said we would read but did not. You won't learn or remember much about what you read. It doesn’t matter how much we visit and try to catch up with family and friends, nothing can replace the missing birthdays, anniversaries, and moments of laughter and moments of need. I was thinking that trying to relive or recover yesterday is like that sweater or pair of pants you put in a trunk and forgot. One day cleaning, you dig in that trunk and find the sweater (or the pants) and think (like I have) “I forgot I have this”; and then think about wearing it again. But… it doesn’t fit or even if it does fit, you have aged and the style is no longer appropriate. Even if it is a weight problem, it will take too long to get back to that size and wear it again. By that time you already forgot you own it… again. So, what do you do? You finally have to accept you can’t have it. The time is past for using it so you put it in a bag to donate it. There is that comforting thought that someone will be able to use it. I was thinking that’s pretty much what happens with the day gone, the opportunity lost, the yesterday we can’t recover. There is a lesson learned; maybe some wisdom as simple as “don’t leave for tomorrow what you can do today” but definitely a lesson that, just as the sweater that won’t be yours to wear again, someone else will benefit as you shared your lesson with someone who then won’t miss on yesterday. See, today will be yesterday pretty soon. You won’t have another today. So what it is you want to do or think you should do in order to live better, love more, laugh louder and don’t regret the today that will be come your yesterday? Don’t go doing resolutions and putting demands on yourself that you know you won’t keep. Live each day to the fullest, today, and you won’t have to waste time thinking on how to recover yesterday because you won't.

Serving No Matter What

Recently, I was given an opportunity to share what I do two days in a row to two different audiences. After the second day, I realized that I had said something I'm used to reply when someone praises my actions and it may have given the wrong impression. Usually people say something like, "Wow, I admire what you do. So sacrificial. Thank you for doing what you do." I usually answer, "I'm not a good servant. I do it complaining all the way." And in a way it is true. I do complain to God and to my husband because (and I'm justifying my behavior) the people I served do stretch anyone's patience... sometimes. After my last experience, I decided that instead of running to the telephone to complain to my husband (who can't do anything but to listen - and that's all I'm looking for),I'd get on my knees and take my case before the Lord. By the time I get up from my knees, I'm ready for the next person. The truth is I do LOVE what I do and I DO care for the people I help. See, I'm in prison ministry and I help women in and out of the prison. This is a ministry where you give, and give, and then give some more. I actually think it is the reason while there are not enough volunteers and many churches rather go on helping children in Africa or Asia. It takes from you so much and you see little or no fruits. You have to endure bad habits, lies, manipulation, anger, disrespect, pain, emotional distress. You have to face and deal with cranky attitudes, neediness, solicitations of cash and by the time I'm done I hit the bed at night feeling emotionally exhausted. However, I do LOVE what I do because though it is not a fair trade, I can give back and share with others what I have received from God: HIS MERCY. And yes, I may not see the harvest in most of the cases, but HE did not send me to collect the harvest but to plant the seed. That's my job. When I help a woman coming out of prison, there is no guarantee I'll get love for love and that each act of kindness will be acknowledged. Many times the hard thing is not the lack of appreciation but that I have to be willing to receive pain in return for the help I give to others. Instead of acceptance and a smile, I deal with rejection and someone who says, "You have no right to knock at my door" after I have given them shelter for months. There have been so many women who have cried on my shoulders and once everything is fine they just disappear though they have promised again and again they will stay in touch. Four years ago, I waited for a few weeks to hear from them and will ask other volunteers if they have heard anything from them. Later I learned not to wait and when others now say that, I just smile. I have a few stories of ladies who have done good on their promises of not just keeping in touch but practicing what I have taught them. It would be great if all the stories have a happy ending. But it is not so. However, though I cry out to God sometimes in disappointment, I still look forward to helping others who come my way. I embrace the challenge and share God's love in hope for restoration each time; knowing that GOD is in charge and not me. HE produces change and I'm just a conveyor of HIS love. It is my choice to obey God in sharing HIS love with others. I step willingly into challenging and uncomfortable situations, but I know HE's got my back and I have nothing to fear. I choose to be Christ-like and say, "Not my will but thy will be done". Each time I do deny myself and open up myself to my own flaws and insecurities but knowing that there is always healing for me and those I serve. As I help others, I'm affected by HIS love and with each person I help I'm being molded, reshaped into the likeness of Christ. And that's why though I may say here and there that I complain, all in all I keep on serving knowing that HE has given me so much more. HIS mercy endures forever.

Telling the truth

Last night (7/6/12) at the Dawson State Jail where I teach, I had a difficult moment on telling the truth to someone in pain. I was talking about strongholds and from occultism and horoscope readings the conversation came to mediums and people praying/speaking to the dead and TV shows about consulting the dead. I talked how the Bible tells us that once we died, our Spirit is reunited with God and our memory from earth is no more. This is when usually someone asks if praying to a specific saint or virgin is wrong. But instead I got a different approach from a lady I will call Cherry. I was just moving away from the subject when Cherry raised her hand and said, “Going back to what you said, is it wrong then I talk to my mother? Can’t she hear me?” I asked her to elaborate while I was praying on my mind for a wise answer – as I usually do when put in those situations – and so she went on saying: “My mother died when I was 21. Since then, I talk to her believing she can hear me because it pains me that she did not get to know my children so I talk to her about them and other things.” The room grew so quietly everyone waiting for my response as this is something that will burst someone’s bubble. I know that I have to speak the truth. I know I have to help others come out of the darkness of ignorance and into the light of the Lord but this was hard. This lady was in tears as she spoke. She has taken her glasses off as she could no longer see through them as she was asking the question and the tears were coming easily just at the expectation of some truth she did not want to hear. After a second or two to what it may have seemed very long to everyone waiting for my response, I looked her directly in her eyes, like there was no one else in that room. I said, “Cherry, you understand that the Bible tells us that the truth will set us free (John 8:32) but sometimes the truth does bring pain. For example, someone may call me stubborn and it hurts. But it hurts because I realize that sometimes I do act like that and what hurts in this case is that someone saw the ugly side of me. But that then brings me to my knees where I pray for forgiveness and to be more like Christ. At other points, we know the truth, but we do not want to accept that truth because it means to give up something we like or enjoy; it has become a stronghold. In either case, when the truth is revealed, humbly we should ask the Holy Spirit to help us accept the truth we find in Jesus Christ. Now before I answer the question, tell me how you really relate to your mother. Is it a thought, like you when you had your babies and said something like, ‘Here is your grandkid mom’ or is it more than that.” Cherry responded: “No, is more than that. I talk to her like I talk to God. In any moment of stress or difficulty I talk to her and that helps me to think she is there with me, helping me through it. I talk to her every day. But I still talk to God too.” At that moment, I knew I couldn’t go ‘around the bush’ but to reveal the truth. I said, “Listen to your own words: ‘like I talk to God’ (the other women at this point moved their heads in approval and some whispered). You are giving her the same position as God. That’s an idol, that’s not right.” She interrupted and asked, “So, you’re telling me that all this time she couldn’t hear me.” “No, she hasn’t been there. God however is there all the time. Why do you talk to her? You talk to her for comfort, for strength like you said ‘in your difficult times’. God is the one who should occupy that place, the first that you go to in order to receive comfort. HE is the one there for you ready to hold your hand in times of trouble and give you the wisdom and strength you need to overcome your trials. By going to her, you are putting HIM in second place and actually HE can’t help you then because HE can’t go against HIS written Word where we find that that HE does not share HIS glory with anyone (Isaiah 42:8). In believing that your mother has been there for you, where does that leave God? How can HE be glorified in your life? The enemy wants to keep you in darkness so you don’t call out to the true and ONLY God who can hear your prayers; who can see your needs; the one who can comfort your heart.” The group was silent; some were crying. I proceeded, “I know this is painful, but I also know that once you take this wall down, it will open the way for the truth of Christ in your life and your Spiritual walk will be different. There will be true relief and joy inside. There will be victories in your times of trouble. Doesn’t mean there won’t be storms, but HIS spirit will comfort you and be with you along the darkest moments just like it says in Psalm 23. But we do have a hope in Christ. We have the hope to be reunited with our loved ones who died in Christ as your mother did. The fact that the Bible describes heaven as a place where there won’t be any more tears or pain tells me those who have gone before us, are not able to look down because they will be the ones in tears. Look how is all going around us!! We are selfish. We want them with us even when they are sick and in pain we don’t want them to go and be in the presence of the Almighty God. You should find comfort on the fact that your mother is no longer suffering with cancer and she is rejoicing in HIS presence” She mumbled, “I know she is in a better place but I do miss her.” I asked her if she would let me pray for her. She immediately got up and came to me. We all prayed, we all cried with her. For me, I felt like I have made her go through her mourning all over again. Sadly, in prison we are not allowed to hug the prisoners; but I held her hands for a while after I finished praying. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to help her deal with the truth and accept that her mother though physically was not a part of her, there is a legacy that will always be part of Cherry’s life. The way she was brought up. (It was her mother who took her to church and taught her about life.) The memory of her mother can and will still live in the fact that she is teaching her children what she learned from her mom. There is an inheritance, a legacy of her mother that will live on forever but it should never occupy the place of God in her heart. I prayed for peace in her heart; I prayed for a new hope of an open relationship with her Savior; I prayed for her kids who have come to know their grandmother from her mother’s stories and experiences with her. I prayed that the memory of her mother will be a sweet one and of encouragement on what to do with her life. She did seem calmed after we prayed. I proceeded with telling the story about my 5 yr young niece going to Heaven. I was given the task to call relatives to come before the machine keeping her breathing be removed. Every time I picked the phone I’d put the receiver down without dialing not believing what I was doing. I finally made the first call to my mom. Then to others but each time there was this disbelief as to what I was doing or saying. However, I did not question the Master but remembered Romans 11:33-36. Something I memorized long before my niece reunited with the Lord, when someone asked me on a Thursday night class, “why did God allow me to be raped? Why didn’t He stop and kill that man?” That Scripture came to mind and I answered that young lady that instead of looking for the “why”s of life, how about rejoicing that HE has rescued her (as she confessed to be a Christian now) and that the story we have now brings glory to HIS name. And to rest in the hope that one day, not too far, we will have all the answers. But you know what? I believe when we are there, at HIS presence, the joy will be such we won’t care for the answers or even remember we even questioned something. Our joy will be complete. I ended up this difficult moment of telling the truth with the lyrics of a song I heard on my 48-yrs young cousin’s funeral. “If you could see me now You'd know I've seen His face If you could see me now You'd know the pain's erased You wouldn't want me to ever leave this place; if you could only see me now.” I did not sing it, just recited the words and when I finished the peace of God could be felt and Cherry was smiling.

A One time opportunity to Ask the King for Anything

As I was reading this morning Psalm 2, I paused at the words in verse 8: "Ask of Me, and I will give you the nations for your inheritance, and the ends of the earth for your possession." As many of other Bible readers have experienced, I've read this psalm many times and each time there is something new. At the moment, another verse came to mind. We were talking in our Life Group on Sunday morning in Matthew 7:7: "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." And as the discussion progressed, it was mentioned surely Jesus did not mean for us to ask for that new Mercedes or Lexus. Or, as someone mentioned, telling others that God will definitely heal a person and insisting on praying louder for the miracle trying to 'twist' the hand of God as another person said he was taught growing up in a particular denomination. The question came again, how do we ask? What do we ask for? So this morning I thought, what if I'm before the KING of Kings and was directly told, "Ask of me and I will give you the nations..." after all, this Scripture is talking to me too. I thought, "I'm before HIM. What will be my request?" I really wanted to know what is in my heart so I knelt and imagined HIM at HIS throne, What is my request?, I asked myself again. And then, another part of Scripture came to mind, Matthew 14 when a request was presented to another king. The daughter of King Herod's live-in-lover and sister-in-law danced before the king on his birthday and "it pleased" him. So, "he promised with an oath to give her whatever she might ask." (v.7 NKJV) The young girl could have asked for anything, even part of the kingdom which meant she could receive tribute (payments) from its people. She could have asked for jewelry or even to have her own palace with lots of servants. She could have secured her future. But instead she asked for the head of John the Baptist. We all know Solomon also was presented with the opportunity, directly from God, to ask for anything. And we find Esther too, before a king with a petition for life - hers and her people. "Now, here I'm Lord before you. What is it I really want/need", I prayed. With tears in my eyes, thinking of the magnitude of such a moment, I looked around me and through the windows in my living room. I saw the big yard where I want a beautiful garden with water ponds and resting/inviting areas to read the Bible, meditate, rest or just be. I thought of the additional rooms for homeless women. I looked at the carport, oh, how many times I have driven around town and seen carports with a second floor surrounded by windows. My ideal sewing area, big and full of natural light. There are things unfinished in the house, I thought and we need money to complete them. The bathtub area is not tiled yet and the sheet-rock is getting wet. We don't have a door in the shower either and I don't like having a curtain instead of glass doors. Then I closed my eyes and said again, "What do I want to ask for. If this is my only request before you Lord, what does my heart want." And the words came without thinking, "I want your presence to be with me wherever I go, wherever I'm. I want you; more of you, less of me." And really, that's all I need; that's all we need though we not all may see it this way. If we have HIM, there is nothing we need. Come trouble times, financial hardships, adversity strikes in the form of illness or lost of a loved one, and if I have HIM, HIS peace will surround me, HIS love will sustain me. The words of the psalmist came to mind, and I made them mine, "I want to dwell in the secret place of the Most High, I want to abide under the shadow of the Almighty." How beautiful, how peaceful. I finished my prayer request, "I want you to be with me everywhere I go. I want you, Lord. You are all I need."

Exercising & Losing Weight: A Non-New Year Resolution

The end of April marked 121 days of the year so far and I wonder how many New Year's resolution are still being observed. I don't do resolutions. It has been awhile since I last did. I'm talking probably 15 yrs. The reason? I use to beat myself up when I couldn't keep them or just fooled myself by thinking "Well, it wasn't really a resolution, more like wishful thinking." So I finally stopped. Last Christmas however, I requested an exercise video "Get your body ripped in 90 days" and resolved to myself that 'eventually' I'd do the exercises and stick to them for two reasons. I needed to lose some weight (about 15-20 pounds) and since I had to exercise, why not try and prove if this works or not. Basically, to see what all the buzz is about. You see every time they advertise a weight losing program, they only use models that are perfectly fit, six packs and all so you'd think that can be you "EASILY". Well, at least this program starts with the host saying, "It is not easy; that's why it is called 'workout'. You have to push yourself but once you do, you will have changed your body." I have always exercise and used to walk 5 miles. But for a while I have completely stopped. Time, busyness, just plain lazy sometimes. Well, again, I was going to do this, and since not as a resolution - I kept telling this to myself - I waited until I felt "ready". Basically, having a place set - the bedroom or my office, mentally prepared, etc. Sometime by the end of January, I started. First, I sat and watched the first in the series of about 10 DVDs, to see how difficult they would be and what did I need (weights, exercise ball, a mat) and there was a DIET PROGRAM included! See, I knew it! No one says anything about dieting when they advertised the program. Is all about getting 30 minutes of workouts each day. I read through the diet plan. A 5-meal a day program with lots of items I never heard of like "Ezequiel 3:39 Cereals". Well, I decided that if I was to prove if the program works, I had to do the diet thing. After spending two days thinking all day about food - you know eating about every two hours - I realized I couldn't live like this. Thinking of food have never been a big part of my day and I wasn't going to start now. My husband and relatives tease me about eating like the birds, small portions and only when I'm hungry. Except for my love with coffee that is defined by my sister-in-law as "a relationship" (referring to her habit) I would control what I ate. I also found myself eating more than what I was used to during those two days and in a way I did not like that. After all, I needed to lose weight. I kept with the exercises but decided I wasn't going to become a 'health-nut' but I would watch what I eat and also incorporate some of the principles like: not eating sugar (except the one in my coffee, I wasn't going to sacrifice that), eat whole wheat whenever possible, avoid sugar-filled cereal (sorry, Lucky Charms, see you in 90 days), eat more vegetables and fruits, eat the egg whites, have a breakfast that did not consist of cinnamon rolls and coffee, etc. Well, I found out it is extremely expensive to eat healthy. Fruits and vegetables have to be purchased almost daily as they go bad too fast so I purchase small portions. Whole wheat bread (the real thing) cost about $3 more than the advertised as 'whole' but not 100%. I also learned to read labels. I educated myself on calories and decided to watch what I ate and count calories as I wasn't going to submit to the program's diet (the cereal mentioned above costs about $7/box! and the taste is not great at all). I learned a lot about food. But as I said, I wasn't going to become a health-nut nor criticize my friends for eating greasy food or empty calories. I was going into this with a purpose and ended up with more benefits that I had imagined. I'm not a fast-food person so that was not hard to give up but I did have to change my eating habits. I discovered a whole new world of flavors I have been depriving myself of since I limited my eating to cakes, cookies, and coffee with some Puerto Rican food whenever I craved some. (I used to describe myself as a steak and potatoes but I also do love Italian food.) Now, I was not eating any of the things I was used to eat and had to plan and look for recipes to accommodate my strength training exercises. I became an expert in soups, creamy soups that is. I used to say, "I don't eat soups" as I like my food to be sort of crunchy not bland. But soups were part of the diet program and I needed to come up with some I would enjoy. Tomato soup, avocado soup, bean and pumpkin soup are some of the few I cooked and my family loved. I learned there are green onion (yeah, I did not know about these) and that these make the soups tasteful along with cilantro and crushed red pepper. Things I never used before to cook as I limited myself to what I felt was 'safe' for my taste buds. The green onions thing was kind of interesting/funny. My husband said to me once he tasted the tomato soup, "those green things, do you buy them already chopped?" I said, "yes, Amarilys (daughter) bought them." and I showed him the container which he looked at to remember to buy (he cooks when working out of town). Later, I went to Kroger and Alberton's looking for the green onions on the see-through container. Couldn't find it. I thought these supermarkets do not sell green onions :) Then in another occasion, while looking for cilantro, it occurred to me to look for then non-chopped version. And I found them! That was how much I knew about veggies and spices as I limited my cooking to yellow onions, garlic and peppers. I started looking for new recipes which were flavor-full but low in calories and I did find quite a few. Not only did I discovered a new world of flavors, I started drinking more water (already drank 4 bottles a day now I'm up to 8) since the program required two bottles after every meal and before breakfast. As a consequence, my three - four cups of coffee per day were reduced to one except for weekends when my husband was home. I did not even crave it. Sweets was the hard part as this was my weakness. I truly believe in eating desert first (in case after dinner I wouldn't have 'room' for it. I went for three weeks without cookies and cakes. Then I started counting calories and decided to use my sister-in-law's method of allowing myself to eat desert only on weekends. Candies, which I used to snack on or keep in the car for those times I did not have time to eat, completely disappeared from my shopping. I would pass by the aisle and not even felt tempted to buy. I found out that the least you eat something (like cakes and candies) the least you miss them. We get used to things. We adapt. And that helped a lot. Bread was hard as we use to have bread every day. But that too is now under control. I always felt I have good self-control but this program really reaffirmed that. As a Christian and teacher, am always reminding my disciples that this is one of the fruit of the Spirit and we have to exercise self-control in every area of our lives. We are not guided by the pleasures of the flesh nor by every desire but by the Spirit. One thing though I never got. I did not feel better after exercising; like more energetic, ready to do more on my day. I felt like lying on the floor and resting; taking a nap or just lie there. I have always exercise before and I remember feeling energetic. Not now. And every day was a struggle to do them. Even when I started seeing the results. My husband noticed one day when I was changing, "you have a six-pack!". I said, "No, I have four. My belly is still covering the other two." But my fat was being reshaped. That's for sure. But again, even to this day, I fight getting that DVD on and exercising. My end results after 90 days in addition to all I learned about food and changing my eating habits (I do go back every now and then to surviving on coffee depending on the circumstances, but hate it) is that I lost 20 pounds! All around my belly. So, I can say the program works and I must say there were about 4-5 days that I did not follow the program (not in a row though). Whether because of traveling or just got involved in other things, or did not want to do it, I did not exercise all 90 days but did lose the weight. I don't think it would have been as effective without the eating right. It definitely has to be a combination of moving more and eating right. I will continue the program to get my other 2 missing packs, got too! At first, I told myself I did not care for the muscle reshaping thing. I'm 54 yrs old and don't wear 2-piece bathing suits or wear short shirts showing my belly around. But as I started seeing the forms coming along, I started wanting to see if for the 1st time in my life and at this age I can have the body I never had. Well, will see. One of the motivation for me to exercise after 40 was not to get osteoporosis and I was just diagnosed with it. So much for that. But one thing I know, going back to my normal weight makes me feel so much better I even bought new underwear!

Cats versus unborn babies

Last week (2nd wk of November) I decided to watch the news. (I usually get one channel so I was watching Fox News.) I paid close attention when a report came up about a trial that was going on in regards with a dead cat found between an animal shelter's walls. I stopped what I was doing and paid attention. I just couldn't believe my ears. This 60+ year old man was facing two years in prison if found guilty for not helping a cat trapped between the walls of the shelter he managed. Since I do volunteer work at a prison in Dallas, TX, I know what having a record can do to a person's life and I felt bad, actually I was outraged at what was being said. At any age it is never easy to find a job, rent an apartment, being trusted from those around you, etc. So, at 60+ that's much harder, I thought. And here we are in America, ready to ruin a man's life for a dead cat.
Now, don't take me wrong. I love cats, ...and dogs - my husband owns a female boxer for whom I care all week while he works out of town. A while back, we had a cat who had two litters and I did not want to give them away but keep them and raise them all. Later we had Grace Kelly, a white cat I gave my daughter to keep her company while away for college. When my daughter finished college and came back home, I took care of Grace Kelly most of the time. Every morning that cat was at the other side of my bedroom door. While I prayed, she waited and once I was done and opened the door she would be there. As soon as she'd see me, she would meow and I greeted her and together we would go down the stairs. She would drink her milk while I sipped my coffee. This went on every morning until one day when I was in Argentina and I called home and my daughter told me of the passing of Grace Kelly. I cried. So, see, I do love cats, I do care for animals. They do have a purpose in our lives. They enriched us and entertained us. But again we are talking about ruining a man's life because a cat died and he should have done something to avoid it. Yes, it does sound bad and the man should be punished. But prison??? TWO YEARS??? Why not fire him; and/or give him a substantial fine for his carelessness but don't ruin his life. It is a cat!! Which really takes me to why this is a big deal for me.
Here in America more that 4,000 abortions are perfomed each day. Killing unborn babies as far as 9-month into the pregnancy - a procedure known as the "still-born" abortion. And who is bringing these people to trial? Oh, right, IT IS PERFECTLY legal in this country. No like the cat thing. See, a cat is a cat. But an unborn baby has no face, no name, no defender. Our laws are ready to protect animals that are neglected or abused. We are ready to put a man behind bars for an animal and there are a lot of protester asking for this man to be punished. There are lots of witnesses coming forward. But let's not bother with a human being because, well, it just resembles a human being and many like to argue "these are not living creatures but fetuses".
I went later that week to visit a lady who also volunteers at the prison and I did mention about the case. And she went, "Oh that man deserves..." I did not let her finish (I tend to do that.) I told her, "Is just a cat! We are talking about ruining a man's life." And she tried again, 'But he should have done more." "YES! But still is just a cat. We kill babies in this country and no one is being sent to prison; not even for a day! This guy is facing two years! You and I know what a prison record can do to a person. This is wrong!" She finally agreed when I told her about giving him a fine or firing him from his job or both. Let's just use our energy to keep fighting the abortion laws instead.
I did ask her though, if she knew the outcome of the trial since I haven't watched the news again. She said, "He was found not guilty." Ahhh, justice. Thank you God.

Real Housewives

Is there a log in your eye?
It was almost noon. After 6 months without watching TV at home (we don’t pay for cable so we finally bought an antenna), I thought I’d watch the news at midday. I have been sewing shawls all morning to raise funds for the transitional house we run in McKinney, TX and it was time to take a coffee break. So, I prepared my coffee and turned on the TV. Instead of the news however, there was what look like a promotion for a later program. Women arguing over lunch at a fancy restaurant and individually shown later criticizing each other. After what I thought was the commercial, one by one the women were presented. Dressed like they were going to a wedding or some formal party, adorned with what looks like expensive jewelry and posing like models (I guess one of their illusions) each one was introduced with a motto. “If you mess with my family, you mess with me” I think one of them said – and the only one I can remember. Then the name of the program came up, Real Housewives of New Jersey. When I realized that the only channel I could get with my antenna was not having the news but this show instead, I turned off the TV. I did so commenting out loud, “Who has such an empty, meaningless life that has to watch a show so full of crap? Who lives such a pathetic life that has to sit in front of the TV to live vicariously through these women? What can you learn from watching so much vanity and crap? I went back to my sewing putting aside my longing for a break.

Later that evening, the women ministry in our church had “Dinner and a Movie” and I decided to go and join the ladies. If the movie wasn’t great, at least there will be food. (I was thinking on homemade sweets.) Sure enough, the deserts did not disappoint me. I even took some home for breakfast the next day. (Yes, I care more for deserts than wholesome food.) After the movie, there was a Q&A section. One of the questions dealt with what the main character in the movie had to do to get her marriage out of the stagnated state that it was. Someone answered, “Less TV more sex”. A lady from a corner of the room responded, “No if I have to give up my program. No ONE messes with my time for Real Housewives.” I quietly gasp. I know this woman! She sits with her husband in the pew behind me at church. I had her kid in my Sunday class. Oh my God! She is one of those who watches that show!

Everyone laughed at what she said and the hostess moved on with the next question. I left the place remembering that this lady had said in the Bible class she only had read the Bible three times that week. “And my husband (who was absent that day), I think he read it 3 times too. He is trying” she said when the Bible teacher asked each one of us how many times had we been on the Word that week. I went home that night and read the Bible and went to sleep very tired. The next morning during my devotional I prayed for the lady and later my husband, Sam calls me. He is working out of town and the night before I did not call him since I got home late and tired. After talking about his day, he asked me how was the movie and I proceeded to tell him about the housewives program I had thought so detrimental and vain and my question, “who watches that show” to find a person who does that same night IN OUR WOMEN GROUP! He laughed. He doesn’t know her – hardly remembers anybody he hasn’t talked more than three times, his own words – but said “Wow”. I told him, “Oh it doesn’t stop there. As I was praying this morning, she came to mind and I prayed for her. See on my mind I was thinking, this person only reads her Bible 3 times a week and when asked how many times her husband and her prayed together that week, she said not once. But she has time to watch this sick show about other people having fancy lunches that costs more than a dinner for two, badmouthing each other when the other is not present, having boob jobs and trying to show off who has more money.” As my husband listened, I continued, “The thing is that as I prayed I did not realize I was judging her. I’m feeling more spiritual than her, superior if you may because I take 2-3 hours each day reading the Bible and praying. But the Spirit reminded me, ‘Do not look at the speck in her eye but the log in yours’. You know, Sam we read the Bible at night but we don’t kneel before the Lord to pray before falling asleep as we used to. Lately we just say ‘Thank you Lord for this day’ as we closed the Bible and turn off the light or hold hands there in bed and pray for 3 minutes. That’s my log.” Sam went “Ouch!” I said, “There is more. I immediately as the Spirit rebuked me, I reasoned, ‘well it is a speck too in my eye because I do so many other things so this is a small thing’. I found myself categorizing, justifying but the Spirit told me, ‘Those who has received more, more is demanded of them’. In other words, I know better. Even the cows kneel before going down to sleep.” Sam repeated, “Ouch! Ouch! That’s hurting.”

So, after praying for her, I had to start praying for forgiveness. I still do not approve of the show but I’m not here to judge – like I tell my incarcerated students – I’m here to teach and correct as the Lord gives me with love not judgment. I do not know this lady well enough – I don’t even know her name though I know her husband’s since she always talking about him - to approach her in the subject like I would do with one of my closer friends and offer some advice on balancing TV and spiritual life. In being careful in what we watch because after all, what do I learn from such a program as ‘Real Housewives’? But since I don’t know her, then I shall pray for enlightenment in her life and that she gets to know Christ better; not looking at how often she reads the Bible and prays but just pray for her and her family. Her accountability in those areas is to the Lord not us. I prayed for whatever emptiness there is in her life be filled by the Holy Spirit and all her needs be supplied by HE who died for us all. I don’t have a speck. I have a log and that day I started working on removing it by going back to my old tradition that I stopped years ago, go on my knees at the end of the day and spend sometime at the feet of the Master. I’m not saying you have to do the same. I’m just telling my log and how the Spirit revealed it to me. God is so merciful and we are not.

I'm someone's porcupine -

I have been reading a book that at first I thought, "I could have written this" not because I know how to write (I don't) but because I have been teaching and preaching this stuff. John Ortberg's book, "Everybody is normal 'til you get to know them" starts with a truth I have repeated again and again, (but I forget to apply too many times), I put up with others, because they have to put up with me. In Ortberg's words, "We are all damaged goods." A few years ago, I went to work for a printing company and there was this big, quite but very negative guy. After a few months there, I went to the production area of the company and a guy said to me, "How is it going working with 'John'? Does he even say anything to you? That guy was so mean and wouldn't talk to anyone here." This John used to work in production and have been promoted to the graphics dept and actually helped me a lot when I first got there. So, I told this guy, "I don't have a problem with him and yes, he talks to me." He said, "How can you? He is difficult to deal with. What have you told him to make him even be civilized with you?" My response, "I just put up with him because he has to put up with me. So, I accept him for who he is." The guy walked away making a comment like I was crazy. The reality is we think we are so perfect and the others are wrong. Our ways are the best. Our opinions are the ones that count. We don't see ourselves with all our faults. We don't see that we are as "damaged" as the others that we are pointing at or trying to change.
This is something I discussed with my daughter once when one of my nephews came to live with us. He was helpful but only when I asked for help. One day, my daughter and I were moving a love seat from my office downstairs to the sitting area in my upstairs bedroom. We are two skinny gals and were struggling with the couch while my nephew sat at his computer and every now and then took a peak at what was going on (we were making a lot of noise: "Back up!" Put it down! Can't move!). At one point I lowered myself on the steps and the couch got me down as it landed on my lap. We laughed and cried. All this noise finally produced in my nephew a "Do you need help there?" Do you think? I still had to say, Will you help us?" for him to come. But once he joined us, he battled with the couch -- even taking the bedroom door down --until he finished the job. For everything, it was like that: unless I asked him, he wouldn't offer to help and I was mad. I'd talk to anyone who'd listen about this "attitude". Well, it is his trait. He probably has his reason to wait to be asked. Who knows how many times he got in trouble in the past for taking the initiative to help. Whether or not there was a root to his behavior, the point is that knowing him to be like that I should have accepted him that way and request help when needed. It wasn't after a few months of him living with us that I understood this and instead of waiting for him to have that motivation, told him what to do. Later on, I faced my own demons by realizing that I was being stubborn wanting him to be my way instead of me accepting his way. I was like that with so many others including my husband. I was always right, always in control, always the know-it-all not realizing I was making his life miserable. Instead of concentrating on his faults I started looking at my own. Instead of fighting the porcupine in my life, I learned to dance with him. We all have to accept others for who they are instead of trying to change them. Maybe it is you who have to change.

Is there hope after prison?

As I wrote on my website, http://unavozeneldesierto.vpweb.com, we are all one mistake away from prison. I get a lot of questions about the prison ministry: "Why are they there for?"; "Aren't you afraid when you go in?"; "Do you see change? Is there a way for you to follow, to know if they do change their behavior?" I covered the other questions on the website. But the last question, I waited since I wanted to contact some of the ladies first for permission on sharing their testimonies though I'm not interested in sharing names, I still wanted them to let me share.
Since I started teaching almost two years ago, I have taught over 150 women Spiritual Healing and Boundaries. This is counting only the classes that end with certificates for those who finish. One lasts nine weeks the other six. These women have to commit to take these classes. Once they sign, they can't just leave and the only excuse absence is being sick. By the time we are done, a few have identified with me as their mentor and a bond is formed. Depending where they go after being released, I stay in touch - their decision - at least for a few weeks with some; longer with others. Unfortunately, most of them once we say our last good-byes on the day of their release, I don't hear from them. Some other volunteers may hear and tell me how they are doing. I can testify that of twelve I still see, visit or write to, only one is back in prison. I know of quite a few others that are back but I only knew them by my visiting the dorms often but they did not attend my class. Even the one that is back in prison who took one of my classes, is writing to me because she asked a common friend I write. That's what I mean "their decision". I give them my P.O. Box and is up to them if they want to get in touch. I'm proud to report that of the other eleven ladies whom I hear from regularly, three are in college, four have full-time jobs, two are searching for jobs, one decided to pursue more healing at a center before joining her family, and the other is staying home raising her kids and working on her marriage. Through other ex-inmates I hear from others, and last week I found out that another lady is working and studying and two others have returned home to their parents and are leading full lives staying away from trouble. I believe there is hope for those coming out but they have to want to change and as I tell them submit to GOD and let HIM guide your steps. We can't do it alone. We need HIM and a good support of friends, mentors, and family. I have known of a few others that I met during night services (Church) who are back on the streets. Just last week a lady we had great hopes for and was busy leading others in prison, is back on drugs herself. This lady never attended my classes. She already "knew a lot". She'd bring me other ladies so I'd pray for them and to see if I could take them in my class. But she herself felt too confident that this time (her third) was her last in prison. Raised in a Christian home was introduced to illegal drugs by her husband. A mother of two never could hold a job too long due to her addiction. When I was introduced to her the first time two years ago, she was walking on clouds. She said, "I know why God has me here. This time I got it." I was very sad when I hear about her situation but also thought at how easily pride and the devil's lies can keep us away from what God wants to do with us. Her feeling that she did not need to take my classes or others, kept her away from growing spiritually and forming a strong foundation with Christ. Life after prison? Yes, there are many women who can attest to that, but each individual has to be a willing participant in change.

GOD is in the Small Stuff

This morning I got three duffel bags in my car full with clothes, shoes, underwear, toiletries and inspirational books. These were for three ladies coming out of prison today and who have been my students while in prison.

As I was driving to take the highway, I wanted coffee since my first cup was about 6:30AM and now it was 10AM and I had not eaten anything. Besides is kind of a psychological thing with me - sip some good coffee while driving the 50 miles to the prison. I pulled over at Starbucks driveway and before driving to the window I did count my cash which was actually my parking money. I counted $18 which is exactly what I need for the rest of the week. So, I prayed while driving to the window to place my order using my personal debit card instead, "God, I'll be using my husband's hard earned money for an expensive cup of coffee. Please pardon me for not exercising self-control since I had proposed in my heart to only use cash." I have not made a promise about not using my debit card but I'm trying not to spend on impulse and certainly not in coffee. The cash means 'allowance' money and not family budget.

I placed my order and when I handed my card to the cashier, he motioned a 'no'. "The person in the car in front of you paid for your coffee." I looked up and said, "Oh, God. I'm taking care of these women with what little I have and you are taking care of me even in my little cravings." Psalm 37:4 came to mind "... he will give you the desires of your heart." This is not about needs for this is not a need, but a desire, sort of a wishful thinking.

This is great if you know the whole picture. When I quit my job, I thought that was the end of my Starbucks' trips. I work -- as many of you know -- PT at JCPenney while the house is being built. I cover gas and other expenses directly related to the prison ministry, including parking, books, Bibles, some of the clothes and underwear for these ladies with the money from that job. (My job at JCPenney ends OCT 10 and I'll go back at covering these expenses with my husband's salary.)None of the donated money for the ministry goes to the every day expenses I incur - that's strictly for building and future needs as we take women in. This week I earned $80 net since I was scheduled to work only for about 9 hours. From there after tithes and offering, I took $20 for my weekly parking at Dawson and put gas in the tank. I bought one of the duffel bags at Wal-Mart for $10 plus tax since only two were donated. Not much left after that. Since my parking needs vary from $15 to $20 weekly, that's why I counted it hoping I had $3 extra without touching the family money. I must say, GOD IS GREAT and faithful. He is OUR provider and HE IS in the small stuff because HE CARES for all his children.


Had my coffee, delivered the bags, gave a few hugs, and now going to work for 5 hours.

Letting God Do His Work

Today I was listening to a report on how addictive nicotine is. In the report, it mentioned that it can be stronger than marihuana and some other drugs, therefore to break the habit is very hard for long term users. After my experience with the two ladies I mentioned in my website (http://unavozeneldesierto.vpweb.com), I remembered an exchange I had with another volunteer at the prison. One lady had been released for about 2 weeks and still had no job. This other volunteer takes care of providing transportation to the ones who after released go to a Safe House. She usually takes them to the Dollar store to get some toiletries, to a burger place for their first lunch out of prison and a couple of days later to get their ID or Driver's license if they know the number. I have just visited the Safe House to see how this lady was doing and she told me she was smoking "because everyone at the Safe House does it". She followed that immediately with: "I'm not using that as an excuse.." And I told her: "Yes, you are. You said it so I'd not isolate you but look at the other 5 ladies there who 'are doing it' so the attention is on them smoking not on you picking up the habit." She accepted what I said and that was it. The volunteer greeted me this day and we talked about the new addition to the Safe House and she said: "You know she is smoking?" I said, "yes, I know." The volunteer had the same puzzled question I had, "Why? She was in prison for almost 2 years and did not smoke. Besides, where is she getting them, she has no money." I said probably the others are handing her cigarettes as they all go outside to smoke. It really bothered me them that these ladies, almost all of them take up the habit after so many "sermons". Now, of course, after my last experience with the last two ladies, and being rebuke by the Holy Spirit that I'm not out to change people but to teach them the Word of God, I have more peace about this because I know it is not my job but HIS. We want people to change but God is the only one who can do that. Even though this habit being very strong as I heard on the report mentioned above, I know God can free a person from this and other drugs without the need of patches, gum, or 'gradual' shots of any kind. My grandfather was a testimony of that. My mother tells the story of her being 7 years old and going with her father in Puerto Rico at night as he went from bar to bar. She was the oldest one after her older brother died at the age of 8, she was the one accompanying her father on his outings as it was the custom in Puerto Rico at the time (1940's). Even later on, when we moved from New York to Puerto Rico in the 60's, I remember seeing boys with their fathers just following a few steps behind or sitting around while their fathers had a drink. (I know it sounds pretty bad now.) One night, my mother says, they were going back home with her father stopping from time to time to get his composure since he was pretty drunk. At one point, they were in front of an evangelical church and he went in, my mother followed him inside. They sat on the last bench and later her father, when he heard an invitation for prayer, walked to the front where the pastor prayed for him. The following morning he asked my mother, if what he remembered from his previous night was true. She confirmed to him that he accepted Jesus Christ as his savior and that the pastor had prayed for him. My grandpa stopped drinking from that moment as he believed that he 'had giving his word and had to honor it.' Of course, we know that was the power of God who changed him from a bar hopper to a church-goer. There are many other testimonies of people changed by the power of God in such a way they have no desire for drugs, alcohol or nicotine. We know the Spirit of the Lord is power that transforms lives when they surrender all to him. But we can't change people. Sometimes we see gradual change, others we see instant change. But it is all HIM not us. We want to see everything now. But as I meditated on this, I went to church for years, actually raised in church and I did not surrender all to HIM; it took years for change to occur in my life; so many mistakes, so many bad habits, so many times of thinking I could do things my way and still serve the Lord. Now that I know better, now that I live a God-filled life, I find myself not being patient with others as God was with me (and still is since HE is not done with me). We all have to take our place, do our job as the Holy Spirit revealed to me that day - teach, guide, pray and love others - and let God do HIS thing.