I regret not taken a picture of her so you could see her smile. I had muddy gloves and did not dare to ask anyone for a camera or a cell. Only one or two volunteers were carrying their phones plus it was drizzling. (I noticed no one was too concerned with using them as we busy ourselves trying to do something to get some hope to others.) I’m talking about a lady named Linda one of the people we (Eight Days of Hope Volunteers) helped with the cleanup in Hattiesburg, MS after a class EF3 tornado destroyed more than 1,100 homes and left 4 people dead. She stopped by a few times during the two days we worked in what was left of her house cleaning the debris and finishing off the standing walls. I took one of those occasions to hear her story as I wanted to know how one survives something like this and what do you do in “between the waiting” to rebuild. I asked her, “Where were you and what went through your mind as you heard the winds destroying your house?” She just smiled, a tear coming on the side of her eye, and said, “Only because of GOD” and started telling me her survival story.
On my 5-day trip to Hattiesburg, MS, I met and talked to others affected by the tornado and every one was grateful for their lives, and for all the help and compassion shown to them by complete strangers. But no one, considering her saga, had the attitude of Linda. She is a working single mother (her husband left her 7 years ago) taking care of five children two of them grandkids aged 1 and 3. First thing she told me was how the “Holy Spirit put a hedge of protection” over her son. They all had gone to bed early and her oldest son had gone out. She thought he was staying with friends but he came back without her knowing. When around 3:30 a.m. the tornado started hitting, she woke up all the others and went to the bathroom in the basement. It was after she heard a window blown out that her son walked into the bathroom as he woke up, face covered with glass. She let a cry out thinking his face was all “ruined” but as they pulled each piece of glass in the darkness she noticed not a single cut… AND SHE PRAISED GOD. Then after digging herself out of the mess and getting the little ones out through one of the broken windows, she noticed all her house upstairs was gone. Only her front door was still hanging from a single standing wall. She said that as they walked up the street to find some refuge in the middle of the rain she started thanking God that all her kids were alive and well… once again she said, “But God… All can be replaced and I know this is already working for good for my family.” She told me she was a Katrina survivor. It was then when they relocated to Hattiesburg with only their clothes on their backs. A few years later, their “new, temporary house” burnt to the ground – a kitchen fire. No one was hurt. Now, the tornado totally destroys her house and no one was hurt. It is definitely God. She has gone through three death-threatening disasters and she can still have a great attitude and disposition that only can come from a strong faith in God. Knowing who is your redeemer makes all the difference.
As we look around, all her personal things lying everywhere wet and damaged, she smiles and says, “God is making a way; He has before and will do it again, I have no doubt about that.” One of the volunteers tells her she found a few things that can be salvaged, and she said, “Forget it; nothing is important.” She wasn’t like crying and complaining. All her children are living with different relatives as not all of them can stay together in one place and she will be back to work in a few days. Her immediate goal is to find a place where she can gather all her kids in one place and have dinner “together again”. She said the house rebuilding can wait. She understands that once again her life has been interrupted “but GOD is in control”. We prayed and she left. I went back to work and look again at all her stuff all over the place and I thought, “Only a true follower of Christ Jesus can look at this mess and have peace.” The words of the apostle Paul came to mind, “…nothing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Monday, February 6, 2017
Friday, December 18, 2015
And then what?
Last Saturday (Dec 12th), I was invited to sort clothes and toiletries for a large giveaway / dinner event coming up for homeless and people in need. I was told they were expecting to serve about 2,000 people this year. Later, as I was driving I heard on the radio people sharing their stories about giving and doing things for others, presents and baskets of food offered by groups and organizations all to help the homeless and the less fortunate during the holiday season. Even my family along with some friends prepared and served dinner to a group of neighbors living in dreary conditions. As I meditated this morning, I thought this time is really what many of us believe and sing: the most beautiful time of the year. But then as I took in for a few moments how beautiful is to see the spirit of giving, the willingness to share, the readiness of reaching out to others, I asked, where does it all go after all the hustle and bustle of the season fades away? Does that "spirit", attitude vanishes away? Do the poor disappear after we feed them? Are there no immediate needs to help with? Who are these people we feed and give clothes and presents to? They are people struggling to make ends meet due to low / minimum wages; they are single mothers trying to make it each day; people who can't call the place they slept home because it changes every night, people who have lost their jobs, people who stand in a corner waiting to be seen. I was just thinking, we help now and then what? I know that organizations like the one I volunteered at work all year around and many others do too. I'm thinking of people like me. After we fed our "less fortunate neighbors" and gave them some toiletries, then what? Do I still see the man standing at the corner hoping to get a job offer? Do I care whether or not he has something to eat tonight? There seems to be some courage that comes with the holiday spirit daring us to ask, to invite, to give without feeling we are intruding or be rejected with a no. Or what about those we helped, are they wondering "where are they now"?
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
An Apron for my Mother
Many of my friends and relatives are aware that I sew aprons to sell as part of my sewing business. It all started when we needed funds to help women coming out of prison and I made a few and sold them all within a few days thanks to the response of friends and people from church. Many say that my aprons are too pretty to wear. Others have said they look like beautiful dresses. Nice, welcome compliments in something I find great satisfaction in making as I can be as creative as I want to with no strings. I just think as them as a quick way to make one "decent" when there is an unexpected knock at the door. Just put the apron in top of your worn out sweats, add a smile and you are ready to greet the "intruder". (This goes for men too as I do aprons for men and women.) Before selling them though, I made the first aprons for Christmas presents for all my sisters and a couple of close friends. However, I did not make one for my mother. Instead, I sent her what had become her special request to me for years, money for a "very good quality girdle" as she put it years ago when on a seldom occasion we went shopping together. However, I always sent a package with a little something as I knew she -- like most of us -- loved to unwrap a package in expectation of what was inside. So, no apron for now. I didn't have one of my sisters' address, so I sent it to mom's. As she was telling me my sister's reaction (she gave it to mom as she said she doesn't cook), I thought I wasn't going to tell her I did not send her one as I wanted hers to be special and have it ready for Mother's Day. I had ordered a vintage pattern online and was still looking for a "happy" fabric for mom. A whole year passed and I finally found it and started working on it. I wasn't as fast as usual when sewing this one as the instructions were not as detailed as other patterns plus . . . I got involved in other projects; I thought I had time. A couple of times, my mother mentioned she still had the apron whenever we talked about her projects and was trying to copy it as she liked the style. She was a good seamstress. But I wondered if she expected me to offer to sew the apron; however I had set my mind on my special project for her and resisted telling her about it. It was a surprise. Well, I finally finished the apron two years later but my mother did not get to see it. She was gone by the next Mother's Day I had planned to send it. Last week, was the two year anniversary of her demise. As a child of the One True God, I don't live with guilt or regrets. I've learned not to dwell in things I've no control over. So don't think I'm writing this because of unresolved issues, I'm writing this to share my lesson -- though a bit late for me -- you don't have to wait or look for something special for your mom. If is from you, it is already special to her. I look forward to the day I will see my mom's smile again and stop missing her voice and see her not with an apron but magnificent, white clothes put on her by God Himself.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Being tested to get Heaven
I have read and heard so many times -- devotionals, sermons, personal stories, Bible -- that God uses adversity to get us closer to the image of Christ; that HE tests our faith to make us grow stronger in HIM. All these have alwasy been encouraging to me. But the book where I least expected to learn more about test and blessings, gave me a new insight, the book of Deuteronomy.
As I was reading chapter 8, I kept praising the Lord for HIS love for us all as each verse revealed to me we are being "make ready" to get our land, our Heaven.
God will test us, HE will take us through the wilderness, chastise us and ALL in preparation for something wonderful, something we can't begin to grasp in our little earthly minds. I'm talking about Heaven. A "land", a place that will be like nothing we have experienced on earth. A place where HE fills everything. "For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, that flows out of valleys and hills..." (Deut 8:7) and land of abundance. We shall remember God is "He who gives us the power to get wealth" (vs 18) and therefore we shall live each day with gratitude in our hearts to the ONE that makes all things possible. That it's not with our strength but HIS that we can do all things and accomplish great things even coming out of trials triumphantly. It is HE who is with us through the "valley of the shadow and death" as well as in the land "eating bread without scarcity and lacking nothing (vs 9). IT is ALL because of HIM and HIS grace. "HE might humble you and He might test you to do you good in the end" (vs 16). He does it all because HE loves us and HE is preparing us for a unique HEAVEN. Isn't that wonderful?
As I was reading chapter 8, I kept praising the Lord for HIS love for us all as each verse revealed to me we are being "make ready" to get our land, our Heaven.
God will test us, HE will take us through the wilderness, chastise us and ALL in preparation for something wonderful, something we can't begin to grasp in our little earthly minds. I'm talking about Heaven. A "land", a place that will be like nothing we have experienced on earth. A place where HE fills everything. "For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, that flows out of valleys and hills..." (Deut 8:7) and land of abundance. We shall remember God is "He who gives us the power to get wealth" (vs 18) and therefore we shall live each day with gratitude in our hearts to the ONE that makes all things possible. That it's not with our strength but HIS that we can do all things and accomplish great things even coming out of trials triumphantly. It is HE who is with us through the "valley of the shadow and death" as well as in the land "eating bread without scarcity and lacking nothing (vs 9). IT is ALL because of HIM and HIS grace. "HE might humble you and He might test you to do you good in the end" (vs 16). He does it all because HE loves us and HE is preparing us for a unique HEAVEN. Isn't that wonderful?
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Giving a ride to a stranger for my own good
Sometimes we so easily fail to see God's tidbits in our lives. We are always looking for the "big" stuff and ask HIM to help us with the great projects and we miss the everyday reminders HE is there with us, guiding, protecting, showing us a better way. I'm so grateful that I learned as a kid to pray for everything. Even if the rice had too much salt, I'd pray no one will notice I did not measure it right. (I never heard a complain though I have to clarify I only cooked rice twice while at home. Two of my sisters and my mom did most of the cooking.)
This morning I was heading to Collin County Jail. I have a Court order to visit with an inmate for counseling purposes and to make an assessment of her needs regarding counseling. I felt very privileged for the opportunity as I have been praying for this door to be opened for our ministry. Though I was free to be there anytime, I had proposed in my heart to be there at 10:30AM as I had a dental appointment at 12:45 at another City nearby. As I was driving, I saw this lady with a small, tiny girl (later found out she was 13 months old) walking with no coat. I thought it was too cold (54ºF) to be without a coat and felt specially moved by the little girl. I thought about turning and offer her a ride but I looked at the clock on the dashboard and decided I'd be late. I prayed, "God if you want me to turn let me know 'pronto' before I get too far." The light changed and I drove off and then passed another light and without thinking, like my arms where on 'auto' mode I did a u-turn. As I moved things on the front seat to accommodate her, I realized my driver's license wasn't where I put it, in the cover of my notebook held by a pen. I greeted the lady. She was wearing short sleeves, a very light t-shirt with her bra straps down her arms. The little girl had a sweatshirt on and pants. She smiled at me at we sat her in the back seat. I asked the lady if she lived in the government project in front of us and she said no. She said she and her husband are living in a nearby motel (about a mile where I picked her up). "So, you are homeless?" I asked. She said yes but that her husband now was working and they will be moving within a week or two to an apartment. I told her about our church having a clothes closet and food pantry and invited her to visit. She looked interested so I gave her specific directions and then dropped her at the Dollar General store. I told her I'd pray for her and then before leaving the store's parking lot I decided to look for that driver's license. I found the pen that was supposed to be holding the license to the notebook but no driver's license. I then looked underneath the seat and in my purse though I knew I did not put it there. I looked at the clock and realized I was going to be late as I had to go back to the house and looked for the driver's license. I had put it momentarily on the trunk of the car while opening the gate so maybe it was on my driveway. So, instead of turning to continue toward the jail, I headed back to the house. As I looked at the clock again, I thanked God. If I had not turned to pick up that lady, I would not have notice the driver's license was missing and once at the jail, I'd have to leave as you can't go in without it. As I got the driver's license (it was at the house), I also saw the Court order paper on the table. Though it was scanned in the system, I knew it was good to have with me just in case. I picked it up and again thanked God. HIS Holy Spirit prompted me to do something for someone only to point to me I was going to get nowhere without those documents. Once I got to the jail, the receptionist asked me if I had a copy of the order. I gave it to her while mentioning it was in the system and she did bring it up on her screen using the number on my copy. Praise God!
I had a great visit with the inmate and did a good deed that was meant for my own good and made it to the dentist on time. Isn't God great? He did not want me to waste my time. HE knew that license was back in the driveway and I'd lament driving 15 miles, going into the building and walk right back out. Each morning I pray for a divine appointment. I pray that I won't miss HIS promptings and the people HE sends my way. I'm glad that today I was listening as so many times I pray and then forget to alert for HIS guidance. I believe HE wanted me to reach out to this person (the inmate) as TODAY she re-committed herself to the Lord. HE makes sure HIS plans come to pass. AMEN!
This morning I was heading to Collin County Jail. I have a Court order to visit with an inmate for counseling purposes and to make an assessment of her needs regarding counseling. I felt very privileged for the opportunity as I have been praying for this door to be opened for our ministry. Though I was free to be there anytime, I had proposed in my heart to be there at 10:30AM as I had a dental appointment at 12:45 at another City nearby. As I was driving, I saw this lady with a small, tiny girl (later found out she was 13 months old) walking with no coat. I thought it was too cold (54ºF) to be without a coat and felt specially moved by the little girl. I thought about turning and offer her a ride but I looked at the clock on the dashboard and decided I'd be late. I prayed, "God if you want me to turn let me know 'pronto' before I get too far." The light changed and I drove off and then passed another light and without thinking, like my arms where on 'auto' mode I did a u-turn. As I moved things on the front seat to accommodate her, I realized my driver's license wasn't where I put it, in the cover of my notebook held by a pen. I greeted the lady. She was wearing short sleeves, a very light t-shirt with her bra straps down her arms. The little girl had a sweatshirt on and pants. She smiled at me at we sat her in the back seat. I asked the lady if she lived in the government project in front of us and she said no. She said she and her husband are living in a nearby motel (about a mile where I picked her up). "So, you are homeless?" I asked. She said yes but that her husband now was working and they will be moving within a week or two to an apartment. I told her about our church having a clothes closet and food pantry and invited her to visit. She looked interested so I gave her specific directions and then dropped her at the Dollar General store. I told her I'd pray for her and then before leaving the store's parking lot I decided to look for that driver's license. I found the pen that was supposed to be holding the license to the notebook but no driver's license. I then looked underneath the seat and in my purse though I knew I did not put it there. I looked at the clock and realized I was going to be late as I had to go back to the house and looked for the driver's license. I had put it momentarily on the trunk of the car while opening the gate so maybe it was on my driveway. So, instead of turning to continue toward the jail, I headed back to the house. As I looked at the clock again, I thanked God. If I had not turned to pick up that lady, I would not have notice the driver's license was missing and once at the jail, I'd have to leave as you can't go in without it. As I got the driver's license (it was at the house), I also saw the Court order paper on the table. Though it was scanned in the system, I knew it was good to have with me just in case. I picked it up and again thanked God. HIS Holy Spirit prompted me to do something for someone only to point to me I was going to get nowhere without those documents. Once I got to the jail, the receptionist asked me if I had a copy of the order. I gave it to her while mentioning it was in the system and she did bring it up on her screen using the number on my copy. Praise God!
I had a great visit with the inmate and did a good deed that was meant for my own good and made it to the dentist on time. Isn't God great? He did not want me to waste my time. HE knew that license was back in the driveway and I'd lament driving 15 miles, going into the building and walk right back out. Each morning I pray for a divine appointment. I pray that I won't miss HIS promptings and the people HE sends my way. I'm glad that today I was listening as so many times I pray and then forget to alert for HIS guidance. I believe HE wanted me to reach out to this person (the inmate) as TODAY she re-committed herself to the Lord. HE makes sure HIS plans come to pass. AMEN!
Thursday, October 3, 2013
"Just Give Me Jesus"
These few days I have been questioning what is it that has me sad about my serving. Am I not happy with what I do? Have I lost the joy of serving? I thought for awhile about those two questions and my answer is "NO". I'm not unhappy with what I do. I like what I do and I do it joyfully. I actually rejoice when I have to go and pick someone coming out of prison who is going to be part of our transitional house. Weeks before their release date, toiletries baskets are prepared, messages sent to volunteers to be ready, activities and places to go are planned. So, what is it?
Then this morning I felt the need to watch this video which is a part of a 6-lesson series. I have watched it before but somehow I needed to go back and watch the last session. I really do not remember what it covers; all I know is that I have to watch it. God knows what we need. This session presented a lady who was serving food to the homeless at a shelter her father had opened. She had a bad attitude and was complaining about a girl at the shelter. Her father asks her: "Do you know her name? Have you care to ask her that?" Then he tells his daughter to leave. She says she wants to stay. When asked why? She replies, "Because this is what we are supposed to do, right? We are supposed to feed the hungry and help the poor." The father says, "No. I do it because I love the Lord and therefore I do it out of love for HIS creation not because I'm supposed to do it." Then in the video I'm reminded that to love the Lord and follow HIM, is going to cost me something. The guy in the movie has left his job to open the shelter and moved his family to a smaller house. I stopped to think, "Maybe that's it. The sadness comes from something I have lost. What is it that I'm crying about?" And then, I knew.
I have lost and I'm missing my privacy. Even though, that has been obvious to me all these years and to others, I thought I have accepted it. But after almost a year of having back to back guests, and attending to their needs day in and day out, and putting up with so much ungratefulness, I realized how much I miss my privacy. I finally put the finger on my sadness. Talking to a friend and volunteer at the house, I tell her, "The things I miss the most are the little things. Like reading my Bible in the couch with no one looking over my shoulder and asking, "What are you reading?" or "Can you help me with the computer now?" without any consideration of my own time and needs. It is having a cup of coffee sitting in the backyard watching the bluebirds chasing the squirrels or the cat avoiding the dog. But then as I prayed and wanted to mourn the loss (I thought that's what I needed to do), Philippians 3 comes to mind. Some of the verses I have memorized and now they come to mind reminding me of the futility of my thoughts.
Paul writes: "Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of things... that I may gain Christ." (Phil 3:8). As my mind remembers that, I think how foolish I have been. How I have left the enemy to fog my mind to forget momentarily --- well almost for a week --- that I have gained so much more, I have GAINED CHRIST! Yes, I have lost privacy but "for the excellence of the knowledge of Jesus"! See, the blinders come down immediately with the Scriptures. There is nothing this world can offer that would surpass the fact that I come to know HIM better; that my intimacy grows with the knowledge of knowing HIM and gaining HIM. I can be "found in HIM" like Paul continues in those verses. Whatever it is that we "suffer loss" for has no comparison to what was done for us in the cross and to what we gain. As Anne Graham Lotz says: "Just give me Jesus!"
Then this morning I felt the need to watch this video which is a part of a 6-lesson series. I have watched it before but somehow I needed to go back and watch the last session. I really do not remember what it covers; all I know is that I have to watch it. God knows what we need. This session presented a lady who was serving food to the homeless at a shelter her father had opened. She had a bad attitude and was complaining about a girl at the shelter. Her father asks her: "Do you know her name? Have you care to ask her that?" Then he tells his daughter to leave. She says she wants to stay. When asked why? She replies, "Because this is what we are supposed to do, right? We are supposed to feed the hungry and help the poor." The father says, "No. I do it because I love the Lord and therefore I do it out of love for HIS creation not because I'm supposed to do it." Then in the video I'm reminded that to love the Lord and follow HIM, is going to cost me something. The guy in the movie has left his job to open the shelter and moved his family to a smaller house. I stopped to think, "Maybe that's it. The sadness comes from something I have lost. What is it that I'm crying about?" And then, I knew.
I have lost and I'm missing my privacy. Even though, that has been obvious to me all these years and to others, I thought I have accepted it. But after almost a year of having back to back guests, and attending to their needs day in and day out, and putting up with so much ungratefulness, I realized how much I miss my privacy. I finally put the finger on my sadness. Talking to a friend and volunteer at the house, I tell her, "The things I miss the most are the little things. Like reading my Bible in the couch with no one looking over my shoulder and asking, "What are you reading?" or "Can you help me with the computer now?" without any consideration of my own time and needs. It is having a cup of coffee sitting in the backyard watching the bluebirds chasing the squirrels or the cat avoiding the dog. But then as I prayed and wanted to mourn the loss (I thought that's what I needed to do), Philippians 3 comes to mind. Some of the verses I have memorized and now they come to mind reminding me of the futility of my thoughts.
Paul writes: "Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of things... that I may gain Christ." (Phil 3:8). As my mind remembers that, I think how foolish I have been. How I have left the enemy to fog my mind to forget momentarily --- well almost for a week --- that I have gained so much more, I have GAINED CHRIST! Yes, I have lost privacy but "for the excellence of the knowledge of Jesus"! See, the blinders come down immediately with the Scriptures. There is nothing this world can offer that would surpass the fact that I come to know HIM better; that my intimacy grows with the knowledge of knowing HIM and gaining HIM. I can be "found in HIM" like Paul continues in those verses. Whatever it is that we "suffer loss" for has no comparison to what was done for us in the cross and to what we gain. As Anne Graham Lotz says: "Just give me Jesus!"
Friday, August 2, 2013
Forgiveness
In my experience in teaching about emotions, this subject of forgiveness is the one that provokes heated discussions. Most people are not ready to forgive even those who called themselves Christians. (Christians are to be Christ-like and HE forgave the whole humanity at the cross. I find it very difficult to see Christians carrying a grudge. They have forgotten how much they have been forgiven by the Son of God.) Why the difficulty when it comes to this subject? There are many reasons and I'll mention a few along the "way". But first, let me say that what I hear the most in my chats is: "I don't feel like forgiving" or "She/he doesn't deserve it". However, when we do not forgive someone the damage is to us and not to the offender. We are the ones in the hands of hatred, resentment, and revenge. We are the ones with the dark soul.
FORGIVENESS is a CHOICE. If we wait to "feel like" forgiving, it will never happen.Our flesh, our emotions are not built that way. We tend to carry the grudge rather than forgive the offender. We tend to lean toward revenge instead of forgiving. We tend to shout out the offense rather than keep it quiet. We want people to know how bad someone is so if we forgive the offender we feel we are making the person looks good.
First of all, to forgive doesn't mean I will forget what happened. We tend to say, "I can forgive but I can't forget." And that's true. We won't forget. We have been equipped with a great brain with a lot of storage space. However, the key is how do we remember the offense. Do we cry when we remember it? Healing is not complete. Do we get angry when we remember it? Forgiveness has not taken place. One of the indications that you have forgiven is that when you remember it, you realize you've grown; there is new knowledge and you've matured in that area. You have learned something. You may use your experience to help others overcome similar situations and you use it wisely with compassion and love. You don't bad-mouth the person when you narrate it to teach because you don't want to damage the person you have forgiven. You care that much.
Forgiveness is also a response from having been forgiven. In other words, we have received mercy so we have mercy on others. We don’t forgive because the offender deserves it; instead we forgive someone who does not deserve it… very much like us when we came to Jesus. By forgiving the offense, we accept that we are not perfect either and therefore we exercise mercy. This is one of the reasons why we don't want to forgive someone who comes to us and asks for forgiveness. In order to accept the apology, we'd have to recognize we did something that cause others to feel or think bad about us and we can't accept that. We can't face the fact that we failed to excel; that we are NOT perfect. Is like screaming, "How dare you to think that about me?" It just goes to show that we can't handle the truth. So, we rather ignore it and say, "there is nothing to forgive" or totally take a very defensive stand trying to make the other person see the wrongness in the apology. Yes, totally irrational but we do it.
To carry a grudge is dangerous to our health as there is no peace in our soul and it may provoke anxiety. Any time we see the offender we resent they are going about his/her life like nothing happened while we are consumed by the hatred. To forgive is to surrender. When we don’t forgive we are bonded to the person that hurt us. We might be thinking, “Why let him/her go?” And that’s precisely the problem! While we don’t forgive, we will stay "hooked" to that person that hurt us. But when we forgive, we let the person go from our lives but not from God. We must trust that God will treat that other person with justice, equity and mercy, something that we cannot do.
We don't forgive so that the other person will change.We forgive to be at peace with ourselves and God. When you are the one apologizing, you have to be prepared that the person may not even accept your apology and that's fine. You do the part of confessing your offense and you are released from your part on the conflict. It does require humility to accept that we thought or said something bad about someone or actually wronged the person. We have to let the pride down and as we were bold enough to say negative things about someone, to face up and admit we did wrong. The person accepting the apology has to also put aside the pride and accept he/she is not perfect. The opposite would be to humiliate the offender with throwing in his/her face all the hurt caused by the offense. Just accept the apology and forgive without any "but you did....". That is not easy as we will like to make it clear to the offender, before we forgive, how bad it was, how much damage he/she caused us. That's why we can't forgive on our own strength. We need God's grace to forgive the offense without any "but...".
Don't expect that when you forgive someone the hurt will immediately cease. Forgiveness comes first and is immediately; at the moment. Healing comes much slower but it can't start without taking that first step.
Something I get asked a lot is:
Does it get easy with time? I think so. I think that as you practice forgiveness with God's strength you learn how good it feels. You realize that is not worthy going through life with resentment in your heart. You learn. You grow. You mature. Will it hurt less? Not really, as each conflict is different and you still have a heart that's sensible. However, you'll experience love, HIS love, like never before.
For those who called themselves Christians, I ask them,
Whenever you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you show God how much you appreciate his gift of forgiveness to you. And that ALWAYS pleases HIM!
FORGIVENESS is a CHOICE. If we wait to "feel like" forgiving, it will never happen.Our flesh, our emotions are not built that way. We tend to carry the grudge rather than forgive the offender. We tend to lean toward revenge instead of forgiving. We tend to shout out the offense rather than keep it quiet. We want people to know how bad someone is so if we forgive the offender we feel we are making the person looks good.
First of all, to forgive doesn't mean I will forget what happened. We tend to say, "I can forgive but I can't forget." And that's true. We won't forget. We have been equipped with a great brain with a lot of storage space. However, the key is how do we remember the offense. Do we cry when we remember it? Healing is not complete. Do we get angry when we remember it? Forgiveness has not taken place. One of the indications that you have forgiven is that when you remember it, you realize you've grown; there is new knowledge and you've matured in that area. You have learned something. You may use your experience to help others overcome similar situations and you use it wisely with compassion and love. You don't bad-mouth the person when you narrate it to teach because you don't want to damage the person you have forgiven. You care that much.
Forgiveness is also a response from having been forgiven. In other words, we have received mercy so we have mercy on others. We don’t forgive because the offender deserves it; instead we forgive someone who does not deserve it… very much like us when we came to Jesus. By forgiving the offense, we accept that we are not perfect either and therefore we exercise mercy. This is one of the reasons why we don't want to forgive someone who comes to us and asks for forgiveness. In order to accept the apology, we'd have to recognize we did something that cause others to feel or think bad about us and we can't accept that. We can't face the fact that we failed to excel; that we are NOT perfect. Is like screaming, "How dare you to think that about me?" It just goes to show that we can't handle the truth. So, we rather ignore it and say, "there is nothing to forgive" or totally take a very defensive stand trying to make the other person see the wrongness in the apology. Yes, totally irrational but we do it.
To carry a grudge is dangerous to our health as there is no peace in our soul and it may provoke anxiety. Any time we see the offender we resent they are going about his/her life like nothing happened while we are consumed by the hatred. To forgive is to surrender. When we don’t forgive we are bonded to the person that hurt us. We might be thinking, “Why let him/her go?” And that’s precisely the problem! While we don’t forgive, we will stay "hooked" to that person that hurt us. But when we forgive, we let the person go from our lives but not from God. We must trust that God will treat that other person with justice, equity and mercy, something that we cannot do.
We don't forgive so that the other person will change.We forgive to be at peace with ourselves and God. When you are the one apologizing, you have to be prepared that the person may not even accept your apology and that's fine. You do the part of confessing your offense and you are released from your part on the conflict. It does require humility to accept that we thought or said something bad about someone or actually wronged the person. We have to let the pride down and as we were bold enough to say negative things about someone, to face up and admit we did wrong. The person accepting the apology has to also put aside the pride and accept he/she is not perfect. The opposite would be to humiliate the offender with throwing in his/her face all the hurt caused by the offense. Just accept the apology and forgive without any "but you did....". That is not easy as we will like to make it clear to the offender, before we forgive, how bad it was, how much damage he/she caused us. That's why we can't forgive on our own strength. We need God's grace to forgive the offense without any "but...".
Don't expect that when you forgive someone the hurt will immediately cease. Forgiveness comes first and is immediately; at the moment. Healing comes much slower but it can't start without taking that first step.
Something I get asked a lot is:
How do I know if I have truly forgiven my offender?My answer is with another question. Ask yourself, Can I pray blessings over this person and be happy he/she is doing great in life?" or, "Can I think of good things about and for this person?
Does it get easy with time? I think so. I think that as you practice forgiveness with God's strength you learn how good it feels. You realize that is not worthy going through life with resentment in your heart. You learn. You grow. You mature. Will it hurt less? Not really, as each conflict is different and you still have a heart that's sensible. However, you'll experience love, HIS love, like never before.
For those who called themselves Christians, I ask them,
If God does not punish us according to our sins, if He has forgiven us and does not remember our sins, but instead delights in forgiving us, shouldn’t we do the same and forgive our brethen?In Micah 6:8 we read,
He has showed you, O man, what is good and what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.There is no way you can do all three and go through life without forgiving others or accepting forgiveness in your life.
Whenever you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you show God how much you appreciate his gift of forgiveness to you. And that ALWAYS pleases HIM!
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