Sometimes we so easily fail to see God's tidbits in our lives. We are always looking for the "big" stuff and ask HIM to help us with the great projects and we miss the everyday reminders HE is there with us, guiding, protecting, showing us a better way. I'm so grateful that I learned as a kid to pray for everything. Even if the rice had too much salt, I'd pray no one will notice I did not measure it right. (I never heard a complain though I have to clarify I only cooked rice twice while at home. Two of my sisters and my mom did most of the cooking.)
This morning I was heading to Collin County Jail. I have a Court order to visit with an inmate for counseling purposes and to make an assessment of her needs regarding counseling. I felt very privileged for the opportunity as I have been praying for this door to be opened for our ministry. Though I was free to be there anytime, I had proposed in my heart to be there at 10:30AM as I had a dental appointment at 12:45 at another City nearby. As I was driving, I saw this lady with a small, tiny girl (later found out she was 13 months old) walking with no coat. I thought it was too cold (54ºF) to be without a coat and felt specially moved by the little girl. I thought about turning and offer her a ride but I looked at the clock on the dashboard and decided I'd be late. I prayed, "God if you want me to turn let me know 'pronto' before I get too far." The light changed and I drove off and then passed another light and without thinking, like my arms where on 'auto' mode I did a u-turn. As I moved things on the front seat to accommodate her, I realized my driver's license wasn't where I put it, in the cover of my notebook held by a pen. I greeted the lady. She was wearing short sleeves, a very light t-shirt with her bra straps down her arms. The little girl had a sweatshirt on and pants. She smiled at me at we sat her in the back seat. I asked the lady if she lived in the government project in front of us and she said no. She said she and her husband are living in a nearby motel (about a mile where I picked her up). "So, you are homeless?" I asked. She said yes but that her husband now was working and they will be moving within a week or two to an apartment. I told her about our church having a clothes closet and food pantry and invited her to visit. She looked interested so I gave her specific directions and then dropped her at the Dollar General store. I told her I'd pray for her and then before leaving the store's parking lot I decided to look for that driver's license. I found the pen that was supposed to be holding the license to the notebook but no driver's license. I then looked underneath the seat and in my purse though I knew I did not put it there. I looked at the clock and realized I was going to be late as I had to go back to the house and looked for the driver's license. I had put it momentarily on the trunk of the car while opening the gate so maybe it was on my driveway. So, instead of turning to continue toward the jail, I headed back to the house. As I looked at the clock again, I thanked God. If I had not turned to pick up that lady, I would not have notice the driver's license was missing and once at the jail, I'd have to leave as you can't go in without it. As I got the driver's license (it was at the house), I also saw the Court order paper on the table. Though it was scanned in the system, I knew it was good to have with me just in case. I picked it up and again thanked God. HIS Holy Spirit prompted me to do something for someone only to point to me I was going to get nowhere without those documents. Once I got to the jail, the receptionist asked me if I had a copy of the order. I gave it to her while mentioning it was in the system and she did bring it up on her screen using the number on my copy. Praise God!
I had a great visit with the inmate and did a good deed that was meant for my own good and made it to the dentist on time. Isn't God great? He did not want me to waste my time. HE knew that license was back in the driveway and I'd lament driving 15 miles, going into the building and walk right back out. Each morning I pray for a divine appointment. I pray that I won't miss HIS promptings and the people HE sends my way. I'm glad that today I was listening as so many times I pray and then forget to alert for HIS guidance. I believe HE wanted me to reach out to this person (the inmate) as TODAY she re-committed herself to the Lord. HE makes sure HIS plans come to pass. AMEN!
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
"Just Give Me Jesus"
These few days I have been questioning what is it that has me sad about my serving. Am I not happy with what I do? Have I lost the joy of serving? I thought for awhile about those two questions and my answer is "NO". I'm not unhappy with what I do. I like what I do and I do it joyfully. I actually rejoice when I have to go and pick someone coming out of prison who is going to be part of our transitional house. Weeks before their release date, toiletries baskets are prepared, messages sent to volunteers to be ready, activities and places to go are planned. So, what is it?
Then this morning I felt the need to watch this video which is a part of a 6-lesson series. I have watched it before but somehow I needed to go back and watch the last session. I really do not remember what it covers; all I know is that I have to watch it. God knows what we need. This session presented a lady who was serving food to the homeless at a shelter her father had opened. She had a bad attitude and was complaining about a girl at the shelter. Her father asks her: "Do you know her name? Have you care to ask her that?" Then he tells his daughter to leave. She says she wants to stay. When asked why? She replies, "Because this is what we are supposed to do, right? We are supposed to feed the hungry and help the poor." The father says, "No. I do it because I love the Lord and therefore I do it out of love for HIS creation not because I'm supposed to do it." Then in the video I'm reminded that to love the Lord and follow HIM, is going to cost me something. The guy in the movie has left his job to open the shelter and moved his family to a smaller house. I stopped to think, "Maybe that's it. The sadness comes from something I have lost. What is it that I'm crying about?" And then, I knew.
I have lost and I'm missing my privacy. Even though, that has been obvious to me all these years and to others, I thought I have accepted it. But after almost a year of having back to back guests, and attending to their needs day in and day out, and putting up with so much ungratefulness, I realized how much I miss my privacy. I finally put the finger on my sadness. Talking to a friend and volunteer at the house, I tell her, "The things I miss the most are the little things. Like reading my Bible in the couch with no one looking over my shoulder and asking, "What are you reading?" or "Can you help me with the computer now?" without any consideration of my own time and needs. It is having a cup of coffee sitting in the backyard watching the bluebirds chasing the squirrels or the cat avoiding the dog. But then as I prayed and wanted to mourn the loss (I thought that's what I needed to do), Philippians 3 comes to mind. Some of the verses I have memorized and now they come to mind reminding me of the futility of my thoughts.
Paul writes: "Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of things... that I may gain Christ." (Phil 3:8). As my mind remembers that, I think how foolish I have been. How I have left the enemy to fog my mind to forget momentarily --- well almost for a week --- that I have gained so much more, I have GAINED CHRIST! Yes, I have lost privacy but "for the excellence of the knowledge of Jesus"! See, the blinders come down immediately with the Scriptures. There is nothing this world can offer that would surpass the fact that I come to know HIM better; that my intimacy grows with the knowledge of knowing HIM and gaining HIM. I can be "found in HIM" like Paul continues in those verses. Whatever it is that we "suffer loss" for has no comparison to what was done for us in the cross and to what we gain. As Anne Graham Lotz says: "Just give me Jesus!"
Then this morning I felt the need to watch this video which is a part of a 6-lesson series. I have watched it before but somehow I needed to go back and watch the last session. I really do not remember what it covers; all I know is that I have to watch it. God knows what we need. This session presented a lady who was serving food to the homeless at a shelter her father had opened. She had a bad attitude and was complaining about a girl at the shelter. Her father asks her: "Do you know her name? Have you care to ask her that?" Then he tells his daughter to leave. She says she wants to stay. When asked why? She replies, "Because this is what we are supposed to do, right? We are supposed to feed the hungry and help the poor." The father says, "No. I do it because I love the Lord and therefore I do it out of love for HIS creation not because I'm supposed to do it." Then in the video I'm reminded that to love the Lord and follow HIM, is going to cost me something. The guy in the movie has left his job to open the shelter and moved his family to a smaller house. I stopped to think, "Maybe that's it. The sadness comes from something I have lost. What is it that I'm crying about?" And then, I knew.
I have lost and I'm missing my privacy. Even though, that has been obvious to me all these years and to others, I thought I have accepted it. But after almost a year of having back to back guests, and attending to their needs day in and day out, and putting up with so much ungratefulness, I realized how much I miss my privacy. I finally put the finger on my sadness. Talking to a friend and volunteer at the house, I tell her, "The things I miss the most are the little things. Like reading my Bible in the couch with no one looking over my shoulder and asking, "What are you reading?" or "Can you help me with the computer now?" without any consideration of my own time and needs. It is having a cup of coffee sitting in the backyard watching the bluebirds chasing the squirrels or the cat avoiding the dog. But then as I prayed and wanted to mourn the loss (I thought that's what I needed to do), Philippians 3 comes to mind. Some of the verses I have memorized and now they come to mind reminding me of the futility of my thoughts.
Paul writes: "Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of things... that I may gain Christ." (Phil 3:8). As my mind remembers that, I think how foolish I have been. How I have left the enemy to fog my mind to forget momentarily --- well almost for a week --- that I have gained so much more, I have GAINED CHRIST! Yes, I have lost privacy but "for the excellence of the knowledge of Jesus"! See, the blinders come down immediately with the Scriptures. There is nothing this world can offer that would surpass the fact that I come to know HIM better; that my intimacy grows with the knowledge of knowing HIM and gaining HIM. I can be "found in HIM" like Paul continues in those verses. Whatever it is that we "suffer loss" for has no comparison to what was done for us in the cross and to what we gain. As Anne Graham Lotz says: "Just give me Jesus!"
Friday, August 2, 2013
Forgiveness
In my experience in teaching about emotions, this subject of forgiveness is the one that provokes heated discussions. Most people are not ready to forgive even those who called themselves Christians. (Christians are to be Christ-like and HE forgave the whole humanity at the cross. I find it very difficult to see Christians carrying a grudge. They have forgotten how much they have been forgiven by the Son of God.) Why the difficulty when it comes to this subject? There are many reasons and I'll mention a few along the "way". But first, let me say that what I hear the most in my chats is: "I don't feel like forgiving" or "She/he doesn't deserve it". However, when we do not forgive someone the damage is to us and not to the offender. We are the ones in the hands of hatred, resentment, and revenge. We are the ones with the dark soul.
FORGIVENESS is a CHOICE. If we wait to "feel like" forgiving, it will never happen.Our flesh, our emotions are not built that way. We tend to carry the grudge rather than forgive the offender. We tend to lean toward revenge instead of forgiving. We tend to shout out the offense rather than keep it quiet. We want people to know how bad someone is so if we forgive the offender we feel we are making the person looks good.
First of all, to forgive doesn't mean I will forget what happened. We tend to say, "I can forgive but I can't forget." And that's true. We won't forget. We have been equipped with a great brain with a lot of storage space. However, the key is how do we remember the offense. Do we cry when we remember it? Healing is not complete. Do we get angry when we remember it? Forgiveness has not taken place. One of the indications that you have forgiven is that when you remember it, you realize you've grown; there is new knowledge and you've matured in that area. You have learned something. You may use your experience to help others overcome similar situations and you use it wisely with compassion and love. You don't bad-mouth the person when you narrate it to teach because you don't want to damage the person you have forgiven. You care that much.
Forgiveness is also a response from having been forgiven. In other words, we have received mercy so we have mercy on others. We don’t forgive because the offender deserves it; instead we forgive someone who does not deserve it… very much like us when we came to Jesus. By forgiving the offense, we accept that we are not perfect either and therefore we exercise mercy. This is one of the reasons why we don't want to forgive someone who comes to us and asks for forgiveness. In order to accept the apology, we'd have to recognize we did something that cause others to feel or think bad about us and we can't accept that. We can't face the fact that we failed to excel; that we are NOT perfect. Is like screaming, "How dare you to think that about me?" It just goes to show that we can't handle the truth. So, we rather ignore it and say, "there is nothing to forgive" or totally take a very defensive stand trying to make the other person see the wrongness in the apology. Yes, totally irrational but we do it.
To carry a grudge is dangerous to our health as there is no peace in our soul and it may provoke anxiety. Any time we see the offender we resent they are going about his/her life like nothing happened while we are consumed by the hatred. To forgive is to surrender. When we don’t forgive we are bonded to the person that hurt us. We might be thinking, “Why let him/her go?” And that’s precisely the problem! While we don’t forgive, we will stay "hooked" to that person that hurt us. But when we forgive, we let the person go from our lives but not from God. We must trust that God will treat that other person with justice, equity and mercy, something that we cannot do.
We don't forgive so that the other person will change.We forgive to be at peace with ourselves and God. When you are the one apologizing, you have to be prepared that the person may not even accept your apology and that's fine. You do the part of confessing your offense and you are released from your part on the conflict. It does require humility to accept that we thought or said something bad about someone or actually wronged the person. We have to let the pride down and as we were bold enough to say negative things about someone, to face up and admit we did wrong. The person accepting the apology has to also put aside the pride and accept he/she is not perfect. The opposite would be to humiliate the offender with throwing in his/her face all the hurt caused by the offense. Just accept the apology and forgive without any "but you did....". That is not easy as we will like to make it clear to the offender, before we forgive, how bad it was, how much damage he/she caused us. That's why we can't forgive on our own strength. We need God's grace to forgive the offense without any "but...".
Don't expect that when you forgive someone the hurt will immediately cease. Forgiveness comes first and is immediately; at the moment. Healing comes much slower but it can't start without taking that first step.
Something I get asked a lot is:
Does it get easy with time? I think so. I think that as you practice forgiveness with God's strength you learn how good it feels. You realize that is not worthy going through life with resentment in your heart. You learn. You grow. You mature. Will it hurt less? Not really, as each conflict is different and you still have a heart that's sensible. However, you'll experience love, HIS love, like never before.
For those who called themselves Christians, I ask them,
Whenever you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you show God how much you appreciate his gift of forgiveness to you. And that ALWAYS pleases HIM!
FORGIVENESS is a CHOICE. If we wait to "feel like" forgiving, it will never happen.Our flesh, our emotions are not built that way. We tend to carry the grudge rather than forgive the offender. We tend to lean toward revenge instead of forgiving. We tend to shout out the offense rather than keep it quiet. We want people to know how bad someone is so if we forgive the offender we feel we are making the person looks good.
First of all, to forgive doesn't mean I will forget what happened. We tend to say, "I can forgive but I can't forget." And that's true. We won't forget. We have been equipped with a great brain with a lot of storage space. However, the key is how do we remember the offense. Do we cry when we remember it? Healing is not complete. Do we get angry when we remember it? Forgiveness has not taken place. One of the indications that you have forgiven is that when you remember it, you realize you've grown; there is new knowledge and you've matured in that area. You have learned something. You may use your experience to help others overcome similar situations and you use it wisely with compassion and love. You don't bad-mouth the person when you narrate it to teach because you don't want to damage the person you have forgiven. You care that much.
Forgiveness is also a response from having been forgiven. In other words, we have received mercy so we have mercy on others. We don’t forgive because the offender deserves it; instead we forgive someone who does not deserve it… very much like us when we came to Jesus. By forgiving the offense, we accept that we are not perfect either and therefore we exercise mercy. This is one of the reasons why we don't want to forgive someone who comes to us and asks for forgiveness. In order to accept the apology, we'd have to recognize we did something that cause others to feel or think bad about us and we can't accept that. We can't face the fact that we failed to excel; that we are NOT perfect. Is like screaming, "How dare you to think that about me?" It just goes to show that we can't handle the truth. So, we rather ignore it and say, "there is nothing to forgive" or totally take a very defensive stand trying to make the other person see the wrongness in the apology. Yes, totally irrational but we do it.
To carry a grudge is dangerous to our health as there is no peace in our soul and it may provoke anxiety. Any time we see the offender we resent they are going about his/her life like nothing happened while we are consumed by the hatred. To forgive is to surrender. When we don’t forgive we are bonded to the person that hurt us. We might be thinking, “Why let him/her go?” And that’s precisely the problem! While we don’t forgive, we will stay "hooked" to that person that hurt us. But when we forgive, we let the person go from our lives but not from God. We must trust that God will treat that other person with justice, equity and mercy, something that we cannot do.
We don't forgive so that the other person will change.We forgive to be at peace with ourselves and God. When you are the one apologizing, you have to be prepared that the person may not even accept your apology and that's fine. You do the part of confessing your offense and you are released from your part on the conflict. It does require humility to accept that we thought or said something bad about someone or actually wronged the person. We have to let the pride down and as we were bold enough to say negative things about someone, to face up and admit we did wrong. The person accepting the apology has to also put aside the pride and accept he/she is not perfect. The opposite would be to humiliate the offender with throwing in his/her face all the hurt caused by the offense. Just accept the apology and forgive without any "but you did....". That is not easy as we will like to make it clear to the offender, before we forgive, how bad it was, how much damage he/she caused us. That's why we can't forgive on our own strength. We need God's grace to forgive the offense without any "but...".
Don't expect that when you forgive someone the hurt will immediately cease. Forgiveness comes first and is immediately; at the moment. Healing comes much slower but it can't start without taking that first step.
Something I get asked a lot is:
How do I know if I have truly forgiven my offender?My answer is with another question. Ask yourself, Can I pray blessings over this person and be happy he/she is doing great in life?" or, "Can I think of good things about and for this person?
Does it get easy with time? I think so. I think that as you practice forgiveness with God's strength you learn how good it feels. You realize that is not worthy going through life with resentment in your heart. You learn. You grow. You mature. Will it hurt less? Not really, as each conflict is different and you still have a heart that's sensible. However, you'll experience love, HIS love, like never before.
For those who called themselves Christians, I ask them,
If God does not punish us according to our sins, if He has forgiven us and does not remember our sins, but instead delights in forgiving us, shouldn’t we do the same and forgive our brethen?In Micah 6:8 we read,
He has showed you, O man, what is good and what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.There is no way you can do all three and go through life without forgiving others or accepting forgiveness in your life.
Whenever you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you show God how much you appreciate his gift of forgiveness to you. And that ALWAYS pleases HIM!
Friday, July 26, 2013
A Tribute to My MOM - Luz Eneida Morales
I just found out my mother was called to the presence of the Lord. I have started writing this tribute for mother's day. The original date 5/11/2013. I did not send it to her as I realized it may embarrassed her a bit and was going to modify it for her. Instead, today I modified it for me as she won't get to see a word of this. I'm glad I told my mother I loved her last night. I had no idea that my 55 minutes talk with her were going to be my last. Not only I said it, but I said it twice as I thought she did not hear me at first. She said it back and the usual "Dios te bendiga" (God bless you). I'm also glad that years ago I've written her a letter which covers most of this tribute. My appreciation for her, my not-so-great moments with her, and asking her for forgiveness.
A tribute to my mom
I have been blessed with having a daughter who makes me feel bad sometimes. (ha!) Yes, she loves me but she lets me see when I fail or embarrass her reminding me this way I’m not the perfect mother I’ve dreamed to be. For example, watching my grandchild one day, I’ve jumped, ran, pushed his car, done pirouettes and watched a Veggie Tales movie (well, through his 10 min attention span). I finally let him get busy on his own, playing with his cars and I did some ironing by the kitchen doorway. (He played between living and kitchen so I found a place where I could watch him.) My grandchild decided to go out of the kitchen to our patio to play with his cars outside – the ‘highway’ on the patio does not have all the obstacles as the living room. I was able to still watch him from my position through the three, 71” tall glass windows in the kitchen (more windows than wall) plus the door was opened. About 10 minutes after I opened the ironing board, I heard a car pulled in the driveway and I waited assuming no one will come all the way unless it was my daughter and her husband or my sister-in-law. But no one came out of the car immediately. Then I see the dad coming reaching out to his son and hurrying to the back yard; but no sign of my daughter. So, I finally went out and asked her if something was wrong (they had been in a lunch meeting). Something was wrong. But it wasn't the meeting. It was Me. I wasn’t watching Ezra as I was supposed to. When I said I was, she mentioned that I did not come out when the car got there. “Because I knew it got to be you guys.” It did not matter I said that not only was I able to watch him from where I was but also we did a lot together until 10 minutes ago; I messed up. My daughter was pointing I have failed… and that hurt. (My mom & my Daughter)
That got me thinking about mothers. How much a mother tries to be the best mother to her children. How we, mothers, want to protect our children from pain and pretty soon they are giving us pain; but we take it. We just don’t want them to have it. Then in China, there was another incident. I made a comment that my daughter did not approve. The tone of voice she used made me feel she was embarrassed of me. And that did it. I was reminded of my relationship with my mother and the times I have done the same to her. I grew up thinking like most of us do. As children, we believe our mothers are beautiful and intelligent and we want to grow up to be just like them (I even have a paper my daughter wrote to that effect). Then, as we become teenagers, we pull away from our mothers not wanting to be anything like them. In adulthood . . . We are just like them. We realize we have become our mothers. The incidents with my own daughter always took me to the phone to call my mother and confess my own trespasses toward her. One of those times was from China. I wanted to tell her I was sorry for the times I’ve corrected her in public about things she should or should not say. I wanted to tell her I love her and that she could be herself. So, I called and she greeted me sort of excited knowing I was calling from China. I had a small speech prepared but did not get to say anything. She talked, and talked and talked. Then asked a few questions about my trip and then she was gone to church. I sat thinking, “I did not get to say what I wanted to say. She did not let me talk.” And then, smiling, I thought, “That’s mom.” Through one of my siblings I heard my mom's knees needed surgery. I called mom to find out about details. She talked a bit about it but then changed the subject as if it wasn’t important. Again, I did not get to tell her that I was praying for her knees to heal since because of those knees I believe I’m alive and serving God today. Those are the knees that prayed for protection over my life when I did not feel like praying myself. Those are the knees that carried me through the dark days of my life and now “Lord”, I said, “those knees need your healing touch to keep our family glued to you.”
My mom did not always do all the talking. Every now and then she stopped to listen about the ministry and the work we are doing in Texas. When I visited her last summer, we sat in the living room with a cup of coffee and got into some deep talks. She never said she was “proud” of me but she let me know she admired me for obeying the Lord and doing HIS work. The Lord gave my mom an awesome responsibility – and it did not end when we all left home. She kept teaching, preaching and praying for us… all 11 of us. My mom, I've always said, taught me how to pray. She gave me my first lesson of what is to pray being specific and completely sincere with God.
I dreaded the day I will lose you and that day have come. I wondered my reaction and how I would feel when I can’t hear your voice. When I’d pick up that phone to call only to realize you’re not there to answer. Well, I know how it feels: very painful and unreal. But there is joy too. My first thought after hearing “she is gone” was “Oh mom, you have seen Jesus' face. You have already seen HIS face. What a moment!” The next one was a funny one,
I’ll see you in Heaven and everything will be perfect.
A tribute to my mom
I have been blessed with having a daughter who makes me feel bad sometimes. (ha!) Yes, she loves me but she lets me see when I fail or embarrass her reminding me this way I’m not the perfect mother I’ve dreamed to be. For example, watching my grandchild one day, I’ve jumped, ran, pushed his car, done pirouettes and watched a Veggie Tales movie (well, through his 10 min attention span). I finally let him get busy on his own, playing with his cars and I did some ironing by the kitchen doorway. (He played between living and kitchen so I found a place where I could watch him.) My grandchild decided to go out of the kitchen to our patio to play with his cars outside – the ‘highway’ on the patio does not have all the obstacles as the living room. I was able to still watch him from my position through the three, 71” tall glass windows in the kitchen (more windows than wall) plus the door was opened. About 10 minutes after I opened the ironing board, I heard a car pulled in the driveway and I waited assuming no one will come all the way unless it was my daughter and her husband or my sister-in-law. But no one came out of the car immediately. Then I see the dad coming reaching out to his son and hurrying to the back yard; but no sign of my daughter. So, I finally went out and asked her if something was wrong (they had been in a lunch meeting). Something was wrong. But it wasn't the meeting. It was Me. I wasn’t watching Ezra as I was supposed to. When I said I was, she mentioned that I did not come out when the car got there. “Because I knew it got to be you guys.” It did not matter I said that not only was I able to watch him from where I was but also we did a lot together until 10 minutes ago; I messed up. My daughter was pointing I have failed… and that hurt. (My mom & my Daughter)
That got me thinking about mothers. How much a mother tries to be the best mother to her children. How we, mothers, want to protect our children from pain and pretty soon they are giving us pain; but we take it. We just don’t want them to have it. Then in China, there was another incident. I made a comment that my daughter did not approve. The tone of voice she used made me feel she was embarrassed of me. And that did it. I was reminded of my relationship with my mother and the times I have done the same to her. I grew up thinking like most of us do. As children, we believe our mothers are beautiful and intelligent and we want to grow up to be just like them (I even have a paper my daughter wrote to that effect). Then, as we become teenagers, we pull away from our mothers not wanting to be anything like them. In adulthood . . . We are just like them. We realize we have become our mothers. The incidents with my own daughter always took me to the phone to call my mother and confess my own trespasses toward her. One of those times was from China. I wanted to tell her I was sorry for the times I’ve corrected her in public about things she should or should not say. I wanted to tell her I love her and that she could be herself. So, I called and she greeted me sort of excited knowing I was calling from China. I had a small speech prepared but did not get to say anything. She talked, and talked and talked. Then asked a few questions about my trip and then she was gone to church. I sat thinking, “I did not get to say what I wanted to say. She did not let me talk.” And then, smiling, I thought, “That’s mom.” Through one of my siblings I heard my mom's knees needed surgery. I called mom to find out about details. She talked a bit about it but then changed the subject as if it wasn’t important. Again, I did not get to tell her that I was praying for her knees to heal since because of those knees I believe I’m alive and serving God today. Those are the knees that prayed for protection over my life when I did not feel like praying myself. Those are the knees that carried me through the dark days of my life and now “Lord”, I said, “those knees need your healing touch to keep our family glued to you.”
My mom did not always do all the talking. Every now and then she stopped to listen about the ministry and the work we are doing in Texas. When I visited her last summer, we sat in the living room with a cup of coffee and got into some deep talks. She never said she was “proud” of me but she let me know she admired me for obeying the Lord and doing HIS work. The Lord gave my mom an awesome responsibility – and it did not end when we all left home. She kept teaching, preaching and praying for us… all 11 of us. My mom, I've always said, taught me how to pray. She gave me my first lesson of what is to pray being specific and completely sincere with God.
Tell HIM you don't like it, she said,
HE already knows it just tell HIM to help you with that issue.I did and it worked! I was 13 years old. In one occasion, I was talking about how good my mom sounded and how much she is admired when she is preaching / talking among the people she helps. However, taken out of her circle, she did not sound so good. A person said, “You have to accept (or see) that she is sort of a hillbilly.” I stopped to think and laughed at the suggestion realizing that it made a bit of sense. Then, I looked at the person and said, “Yes, but that’s my mom and she is the only one I got and I love her. Imperfect and all.” This is the mom that would sit all 9 of us (at the time) to read the Bible and an article from the Reader's Digest and prayed the nights we did not go to church. I always tell the ladies I disciple that she would have breakfast ready every morning, waited until we finished eating and read a Psalm and prayed before we went to school. Sometimes the bus driver waited for us as she wasn't finished. She was determined for us to "get it". God comes first and it will do us good not to neglect the reading of the Scriptures. Her legacy is forever embedded in my heart. Is part of the quilt of my life.
I dreaded the day I will lose you and that day have come. I wondered my reaction and how I would feel when I can’t hear your voice. When I’d pick up that phone to call only to realize you’re not there to answer. Well, I know how it feels: very painful and unreal. But there is joy too. My first thought after hearing “she is gone” was “Oh mom, you have seen Jesus' face. You have already seen HIS face. What a moment!” The next one was a funny one,
She is probably trying to sing along with the angels lifting up her voice higher than them and missing a tune here and there.That’s my mom and I’ll miss her every day of my life.
I’ll see you in Heaven and everything will be perfect.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Letting Down the Net
In Luke 5, we find the story of what in Spanish Bibles is sub-titled: "La Pesca Milagrosa" (The Miraculous Catch). There is even a Spanish Christian hymn that goes something like: "It's the miraculous catch of God's handy work; throw your nets for there are so many souls walking without salvation..."
As I was reading, Peter's words in verse 5 got my attention, "...nevertheless, at YOUR word I will let down the net." We all have heard this preached in sermons or taught at a Bible class, at least I have many times. But because the Word of God is living and powerful (Heb. 4:12) a Scripture you are very familiar with all of a sudden has a special meaning to you. At that moment it speaks to your heart. The story goes on that the catch was so big, so out of what they had seen before as fishermen - and considering this is what they have done all their lives it was REALLY big - that Peter fell down at Jesus' knees and said, "Depart from me, for I'm a sinful man, Oh Lord." (vs 8). All the men present had witnessed a miracle and they were all thinking, "who is this man?"
I like to think that I too have answered the call and have been willing to continue in obedience to HIS voice without questioning HIS orders. But I don't. At some instances I have done so: "at YOUR word, I quit my job" and HE has been providing; "at YOUR word, we sold the house" and we have a roof over our heads. But when it has come to accept some women to mentor and/or to give them shelter at the transitional house, it has been more like, "Really, Lord? Look at this one so messed up, such a huge criminal record; really?" But it was "at HIS word" that I accepted two very different ladies, one introduced to me by the other. Though I've been warned by other volunteers and I myself did not like the idea of one coming due to her very visible stubbornness and 'know it all' attitude, "at YOUR word Lord", I said, "I do it trusting you". And whether or not I see my 'miraculous catch' here on earth, I will obey. Both ladies have turned their backs on me and the volunteers trying to reach out to them. However, I felt this great peace, that I obeyed and HE taught me one more time where my trust is. Many times after struggling about sending that letter of acceptance to an inmate, they turn the offer down and I realized that it was all a test... for me.
When you step out of your comfort zone to obey, exercising your faith there are no guarantees things are going to go great. But you have to trust that no matter the outcome, HIS blessings are upon you. The Bible shows us that our faith will be put to a test, again and again. Will I trust HIM as I tell others to trust HIM? Will I reached out and sacrificed my "Isaac" like Abraham was willing to? I find each time, I have a long way to go but if I want to have my miraculous catch, I have to keep throwing the net at HIS word.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
We Can Never Recover Yesterday....
In a day when one year ends and another starts, it is customary (normal? expected?) to look back and see how many resolutions were kept; how many never even got started; how many lasted the first three weeks, or for those more persistent, three months. I have always said I don’t do resolutions and that’s one reason why; I don’t have to look back and see what I did not accomplish; I don’t have to live with regrets about yesterday. I have other reasons but this is one of them.
As we know, we cannot make up for lost time. We can never recover yesterday. There is no point in sleeping one day more than other to make up for a sleepless nights as you wake up with your body aching or fall behind schedule. There is no point in reading two books in a couple of days to make up for those we said we would read but did not. You won't learn or remember much about what you read. It doesn’t matter how much we visit and try to catch up with family and friends, nothing can replace the missing birthdays, anniversaries, and moments of laughter and moments of need. I was thinking that trying to relive or recover yesterday is like that sweater or pair of pants you put in a trunk and forgot. One day cleaning, you dig in that trunk and find the sweater (or the pants) and think (like I have) “I forgot I have this”; and then think about wearing it again. But… it doesn’t fit or even if it does fit, you have aged and the style is no longer appropriate. Even if it is a weight problem, it will take too long to get back to that size and wear it again. By that time you already forgot you own it… again.
So, what do you do? You finally have to accept you can’t have it. The time is past for using it so you put it in a bag to donate it. There is that comforting thought that someone will be able to use it. I was thinking that’s pretty much what happens with the day gone, the opportunity lost, the yesterday we can’t recover. There is a lesson learned; maybe some wisdom as simple as “don’t leave for tomorrow what you can do today” but definitely a lesson that, just as the sweater that won’t be yours to wear again, someone else will benefit as you shared your lesson with someone who then won’t miss on yesterday. See, today will be yesterday pretty soon. You won’t have another today. So what it is you want to do or think you should do in order to live better, love more, laugh louder and don’t regret the today that will be come your yesterday?
Don’t go doing resolutions and putting demands on yourself that you know you won’t keep. Live each day to the fullest, today, and you won’t have to waste time thinking on how to recover yesterday because you won't.
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