Serving No Matter What

Recently, I was given an opportunity to share what I do two days in a row to two different audiences. After the second day, I realized that I had said something I'm used to reply when someone praises my actions and it may have given the wrong impression. Usually people say something like, "Wow, I admire what you do. So sacrificial. Thank you for doing what you do." I usually answer, "I'm not a good servant. I do it complaining all the way." And in a way it is true. I do complain to God and to my husband because (and I'm justifying my behavior) the people I served do stretch anyone's patience... sometimes. After my last experience, I decided that instead of running to the telephone to complain to my husband (who can't do anything but to listen - and that's all I'm looking for),I'd get on my knees and take my case before the Lord. By the time I get up from my knees, I'm ready for the next person. The truth is I do LOVE what I do and I DO care for the people I help. See, I'm in prison ministry and I help women in and out of the prison. This is a ministry where you give, and give, and then give some more. I actually think it is the reason while there are not enough volunteers and many churches rather go on helping children in Africa or Asia. It takes from you so much and you see little or no fruits. You have to endure bad habits, lies, manipulation, anger, disrespect, pain, emotional distress. You have to face and deal with cranky attitudes, neediness, solicitations of cash and by the time I'm done I hit the bed at night feeling emotionally exhausted. However, I do LOVE what I do because though it is not a fair trade, I can give back and share with others what I have received from God: HIS MERCY. And yes, I may not see the harvest in most of the cases, but HE did not send me to collect the harvest but to plant the seed. That's my job. When I help a woman coming out of prison, there is no guarantee I'll get love for love and that each act of kindness will be acknowledged. Many times the hard thing is not the lack of appreciation but that I have to be willing to receive pain in return for the help I give to others. Instead of acceptance and a smile, I deal with rejection and someone who says, "You have no right to knock at my door" after I have given them shelter for months. There have been so many women who have cried on my shoulders and once everything is fine they just disappear though they have promised again and again they will stay in touch. Four years ago, I waited for a few weeks to hear from them and will ask other volunteers if they have heard anything from them. Later I learned not to wait and when others now say that, I just smile. I have a few stories of ladies who have done good on their promises of not just keeping in touch but practicing what I have taught them. It would be great if all the stories have a happy ending. But it is not so. However, though I cry out to God sometimes in disappointment, I still look forward to helping others who come my way. I embrace the challenge and share God's love in hope for restoration each time; knowing that GOD is in charge and not me. HE produces change and I'm just a conveyor of HIS love. It is my choice to obey God in sharing HIS love with others. I step willingly into challenging and uncomfortable situations, but I know HE's got my back and I have nothing to fear. I choose to be Christ-like and say, "Not my will but thy will be done". Each time I do deny myself and open up myself to my own flaws and insecurities but knowing that there is always healing for me and those I serve. As I help others, I'm affected by HIS love and with each person I help I'm being molded, reshaped into the likeness of Christ. And that's why though I may say here and there that I complain, all in all I keep on serving knowing that HE has given me so much more. HIS mercy endures forever.

Telling the truth

Last night (7/6/12) at the Dawson State Jail where I teach, I had a difficult moment on telling the truth to someone in pain. I was talking about strongholds and from occultism and horoscope readings the conversation came to mediums and people praying/speaking to the dead and TV shows about consulting the dead. I talked how the Bible tells us that once we died, our Spirit is reunited with God and our memory from earth is no more. This is when usually someone asks if praying to a specific saint or virgin is wrong. But instead I got a different approach from a lady I will call Cherry. I was just moving away from the subject when Cherry raised her hand and said, “Going back to what you said, is it wrong then I talk to my mother? Can’t she hear me?” I asked her to elaborate while I was praying on my mind for a wise answer – as I usually do when put in those situations – and so she went on saying: “My mother died when I was 21. Since then, I talk to her believing she can hear me because it pains me that she did not get to know my children so I talk to her about them and other things.” The room grew so quietly everyone waiting for my response as this is something that will burst someone’s bubble. I know that I have to speak the truth. I know I have to help others come out of the darkness of ignorance and into the light of the Lord but this was hard. This lady was in tears as she spoke. She has taken her glasses off as she could no longer see through them as she was asking the question and the tears were coming easily just at the expectation of some truth she did not want to hear. After a second or two to what it may have seemed very long to everyone waiting for my response, I looked her directly in her eyes, like there was no one else in that room. I said, “Cherry, you understand that the Bible tells us that the truth will set us free (John 8:32) but sometimes the truth does bring pain. For example, someone may call me stubborn and it hurts. But it hurts because I realize that sometimes I do act like that and what hurts in this case is that someone saw the ugly side of me. But that then brings me to my knees where I pray for forgiveness and to be more like Christ. At other points, we know the truth, but we do not want to accept that truth because it means to give up something we like or enjoy; it has become a stronghold. In either case, when the truth is revealed, humbly we should ask the Holy Spirit to help us accept the truth we find in Jesus Christ. Now before I answer the question, tell me how you really relate to your mother. Is it a thought, like you when you had your babies and said something like, ‘Here is your grandkid mom’ or is it more than that.” Cherry responded: “No, is more than that. I talk to her like I talk to God. In any moment of stress or difficulty I talk to her and that helps me to think she is there with me, helping me through it. I talk to her every day. But I still talk to God too.” At that moment, I knew I couldn’t go ‘around the bush’ but to reveal the truth. I said, “Listen to your own words: ‘like I talk to God’ (the other women at this point moved their heads in approval and some whispered). You are giving her the same position as God. That’s an idol, that’s not right.” She interrupted and asked, “So, you’re telling me that all this time she couldn’t hear me.” “No, she hasn’t been there. God however is there all the time. Why do you talk to her? You talk to her for comfort, for strength like you said ‘in your difficult times’. God is the one who should occupy that place, the first that you go to in order to receive comfort. HE is the one there for you ready to hold your hand in times of trouble and give you the wisdom and strength you need to overcome your trials. By going to her, you are putting HIM in second place and actually HE can’t help you then because HE can’t go against HIS written Word where we find that that HE does not share HIS glory with anyone (Isaiah 42:8). In believing that your mother has been there for you, where does that leave God? How can HE be glorified in your life? The enemy wants to keep you in darkness so you don’t call out to the true and ONLY God who can hear your prayers; who can see your needs; the one who can comfort your heart.” The group was silent; some were crying. I proceeded, “I know this is painful, but I also know that once you take this wall down, it will open the way for the truth of Christ in your life and your Spiritual walk will be different. There will be true relief and joy inside. There will be victories in your times of trouble. Doesn’t mean there won’t be storms, but HIS spirit will comfort you and be with you along the darkest moments just like it says in Psalm 23. But we do have a hope in Christ. We have the hope to be reunited with our loved ones who died in Christ as your mother did. The fact that the Bible describes heaven as a place where there won’t be any more tears or pain tells me those who have gone before us, are not able to look down because they will be the ones in tears. Look how is all going around us!! We are selfish. We want them with us even when they are sick and in pain we don’t want them to go and be in the presence of the Almighty God. You should find comfort on the fact that your mother is no longer suffering with cancer and she is rejoicing in HIS presence” She mumbled, “I know she is in a better place but I do miss her.” I asked her if she would let me pray for her. She immediately got up and came to me. We all prayed, we all cried with her. For me, I felt like I have made her go through her mourning all over again. Sadly, in prison we are not allowed to hug the prisoners; but I held her hands for a while after I finished praying. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to help her deal with the truth and accept that her mother though physically was not a part of her, there is a legacy that will always be part of Cherry’s life. The way she was brought up. (It was her mother who took her to church and taught her about life.) The memory of her mother can and will still live in the fact that she is teaching her children what she learned from her mom. There is an inheritance, a legacy of her mother that will live on forever but it should never occupy the place of God in her heart. I prayed for peace in her heart; I prayed for a new hope of an open relationship with her Savior; I prayed for her kids who have come to know their grandmother from her mother’s stories and experiences with her. I prayed that the memory of her mother will be a sweet one and of encouragement on what to do with her life. She did seem calmed after we prayed. I proceeded with telling the story about my 5 yr young niece going to Heaven. I was given the task to call relatives to come before the machine keeping her breathing be removed. Every time I picked the phone I’d put the receiver down without dialing not believing what I was doing. I finally made the first call to my mom. Then to others but each time there was this disbelief as to what I was doing or saying. However, I did not question the Master but remembered Romans 11:33-36. Something I memorized long before my niece reunited with the Lord, when someone asked me on a Thursday night class, “why did God allow me to be raped? Why didn’t He stop and kill that man?” That Scripture came to mind and I answered that young lady that instead of looking for the “why”s of life, how about rejoicing that HE has rescued her (as she confessed to be a Christian now) and that the story we have now brings glory to HIS name. And to rest in the hope that one day, not too far, we will have all the answers. But you know what? I believe when we are there, at HIS presence, the joy will be such we won’t care for the answers or even remember we even questioned something. Our joy will be complete. I ended up this difficult moment of telling the truth with the lyrics of a song I heard on my 48-yrs young cousin’s funeral. “If you could see me now You'd know I've seen His face If you could see me now You'd know the pain's erased You wouldn't want me to ever leave this place; if you could only see me now.” I did not sing it, just recited the words and when I finished the peace of God could be felt and Cherry was smiling.