Serving No Matter What

Recently, I was given an opportunity to share what I do two days in a row to two different audiences. After the second day, I realized that I had said something I'm used to reply when someone praises my actions and it may have given the wrong impression. Usually people say something like, "Wow, I admire what you do. So sacrificial. Thank you for doing what you do." I usually answer, "I'm not a good servant. I do it complaining all the way." And in a way it is true. I do complain to God and to my husband because (and I'm justifying my behavior) the people I served do stretch anyone's patience... sometimes. After my last experience, I decided that instead of running to the telephone to complain to my husband (who can't do anything but to listen - and that's all I'm looking for),I'd get on my knees and take my case before the Lord. By the time I get up from my knees, I'm ready for the next person. The truth is I do LOVE what I do and I DO care for the people I help. See, I'm in prison ministry and I help women in and out of the prison. This is a ministry where you give, and give, and then give some more. I actually think it is the reason while there are not enough volunteers and many churches rather go on helping children in Africa or Asia. It takes from you so much and you see little or no fruits. You have to endure bad habits, lies, manipulation, anger, disrespect, pain, emotional distress. You have to face and deal with cranky attitudes, neediness, solicitations of cash and by the time I'm done I hit the bed at night feeling emotionally exhausted. However, I do LOVE what I do because though it is not a fair trade, I can give back and share with others what I have received from God: HIS MERCY. And yes, I may not see the harvest in most of the cases, but HE did not send me to collect the harvest but to plant the seed. That's my job. When I help a woman coming out of prison, there is no guarantee I'll get love for love and that each act of kindness will be acknowledged. Many times the hard thing is not the lack of appreciation but that I have to be willing to receive pain in return for the help I give to others. Instead of acceptance and a smile, I deal with rejection and someone who says, "You have no right to knock at my door" after I have given them shelter for months. There have been so many women who have cried on my shoulders and once everything is fine they just disappear though they have promised again and again they will stay in touch. Four years ago, I waited for a few weeks to hear from them and will ask other volunteers if they have heard anything from them. Later I learned not to wait and when others now say that, I just smile. I have a few stories of ladies who have done good on their promises of not just keeping in touch but practicing what I have taught them. It would be great if all the stories have a happy ending. But it is not so. However, though I cry out to God sometimes in disappointment, I still look forward to helping others who come my way. I embrace the challenge and share God's love in hope for restoration each time; knowing that GOD is in charge and not me. HE produces change and I'm just a conveyor of HIS love. It is my choice to obey God in sharing HIS love with others. I step willingly into challenging and uncomfortable situations, but I know HE's got my back and I have nothing to fear. I choose to be Christ-like and say, "Not my will but thy will be done". Each time I do deny myself and open up myself to my own flaws and insecurities but knowing that there is always healing for me and those I serve. As I help others, I'm affected by HIS love and with each person I help I'm being molded, reshaped into the likeness of Christ. And that's why though I may say here and there that I complain, all in all I keep on serving knowing that HE has given me so much more. HIS mercy endures forever.