When a child dies in the family...

One of the reasons I did not write for a few weeks, was the death of my 5 yr old niece, Andrea Victoria. Even now writing about it sounds unreal. It is hard to think and accept that she is no longer among us; yet we all know and truly believe, she is enjoying the company of Jesus in Heaven. Andreita suffered a seizure and was taken to the hospital in Jan 3, 2010. She stayed in the ICU for three weeks and then decided the struggle wasn't worth it; it was time to go back to her Creator.
That Sunday 17, when my sister-in-law called me to take her son, Andreita's older brother, 8yr old Eduardo to the hospital, I knew things were not right. All her mother said, "Bring him in. Andreita is not doing good". Eduardo, as with any child that age, wasn't allowed in the ICU plus her mother's voice was urgent and broken. We were on our way to church and changed our route towards the hospital. Eduardito's reply when told we were going to see Andreita was: "But the doctor won't let me go in to see her." I told him, "this time he will let you in". As soon as we arrived, the parents told me the very hard decision the doctors told them they needed to think about: let their child go by pulling all the life-support equipment off. The toughest part is that Andreita was conscious and very much aware of her surroundings. But they were trusting God on their decision. The doctors had done all they could for her. During that week, we saw this child breathing on her own strongly and the heart beating normally. By the end of the week, I walked into the room one morning and after looking at the monitor, immediately understood why the parents have asked me not to bring any one to the hospital that morning. I wanted to scream: "Oh no, no, no!!" But the control the Holy Spirit gives us is amazing. Of course, we still hurt and in the car driving, each time I had the opportunity of being by myself (I was driving/taxing everyone) I'd hit the wheel and scream "No, No, No!!" It was like a bad dream that never ended. It was stressful, physically and emotionally. I kept thinking was, "If I feel like this and I'm just the aunt, I can't imagine what the parents are going thru." They however, have proven their strength come from above. It was admirable to look at them encouraging others and keeping a smile and greeting visitors like they were coming to share a dinner with them, not to watch their daughter going away little by little.
When a child dies, at such a young age, it's hard to accept. We think of the times we won't share together, not seeing her in her bed or in the couch where she usually sat; the birthdays that won't be celebrated, the events such as graduation and college, walking down the aisle... but you know what? We are the ones thinking of those moments and lamenting "Oh, she won't be able to ..." but she, as with those who have parted, are not missing ANYTHING! These kids are in Heaven's playground; they are enjoying the presence of the Master; they are back to where they've belonged altogether. The Bible teaches us that before we were born, HE called us by name. So, at the moment my niece closed her eyes and her spirit was called, she found herself playing and running and enjoying with other children who have gone before her like she never left that place; she was back 'home' without that "i'm back" feeling but like nothing has happened; maybe just a dream of earth. I believe that. The Bible says that one day is like a thousand years to the Lord meaning time does not pass in His presence and I believe she will never age. The next time I see Andreita, she will be our adorable 5 yr old niece, with a great smile and wondering "where have you been?" But for now, she is not missing us.
Does this mean I do not cry? Does this mean I don't miss her? That I still want her with us? Yes I cry, it has been two months, and I still cry almost every day. I miss knowing she is not with her parents and when I visit is one less person to greet; and yes, I do want her with us but I immediately think she is doing good and that brings a smile to my tear-streamed face. She went thru so much pain - needles, IVs, oxygen mask, tubes down her nose and throat. Now, that is NO MORE.
This death, like any event is an interruption in our lives. The routine is altered, gone; and for a few days and weeks you don't seem to find your way back. Other events may affect us for a few days and soon things get back to normal: a sickness, a non-fatal accident, graduation, wedding, etc. But death is so permanent, so final, it is much harder to cope and get back that motivation to do what you're supposed to do. Even though it sounds cold, the phrase "Life goes on" is so true; your world may have been disrupted in a very painful way, a child is gone, but look around yourself... life goes on. Other kids go to school, her therapists are back at work, the doctors are attending other patients. I remember thinking of this when my father died. We were at the funeral home mourning, while on the street people were driving to work or coming from work; I saw delivery trucks and people having lunch chatting and socializing while a couple of steps away a family mourned and hurt for they loved one who was now gone.
In times like this, we Christians, have an amazing force helping us - we call it the Holy Spirit. I believe that if we don't experience pain we don't get to experience first hand the strength and power of the Holy Spirit. It is like having a racing car that you know can reach 200 mph but if you never have to put it to the test, you never know if it really reaches that speed or how amazing it feels. With the Holy Spirit, until you go thru a test you don't know much about what a difference He can make in your life. I always said, "I can't understand how can a parent survive a loss of a child." Now I know. Seeing my brother and sister-in-law putting all their grief, their burden in God and letting his Holy Spirit carries them through this time, I have seen HIS work in them and understand a little bit better. As for my own experience in all this, I have finally began my own routine after calling on HIM for help to get back and find the joy of doing the things I must do for HIS glory.